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"Canada is getting older," writes Rebecca Dube in Fast times at Senior High . "The number of people aged 65 and up has more than doubled since the 1920s, according to Statistics Canada, and will double again in the next three decades. By 2031, one in four Canadians — an estimated 9.8 million — will be a senior, up from roughly one in 10 today."

Aging is a reality for every Canadian - for seniors, for their family members, for the services that support them. Maureen Osis, a family therapist and gerontology nurse who consults on long-term care issues, was online earlier to take your questions.

Your questions and Ms. Osis's answers appear at the bottom of this page.

Maureen Osis is a registered marriage and family therapist and a gerontological nurse with a private practice counselling older adults and their families. Her career has focused on promoting healthy aging and family relationships.

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Rasha Mourtada, Globe Life web editor: Thank you, Maureen, for joining us today. What's your advice for those of us who have parents who are still living completely independently, but in the near future could be approaching a time when they need assistance. How can we best prepare for what's to come? Aside from retirement homes, like the Terraces of Baycrest, what other support services and organizations are there out there?

Maureen Osis: Being proactive is wise because we can become informed about options and available services before a crisis occurs. One way to do this is to have a series of conversations over time, talking about your parents' wishes, and becoming informed about options in their community. The good news is that there are more services for seniors, including housing options. But this also means more confusion — in finding and evaluating these services.

I would invite you to visit our website ( www.elderwise.ca ) and review some of the newsletters on topics that help you to Plan Ahead such as "Understanding Assisted Living", "Long Term Care Terminology" and "Searching for Services at a Distance".

I would also encourage you to get connected with local seniors' organizations — who keep their eye on local services and often publish very helpful directories. For example, in Calgary, the Kerby Centre publishes directories on services and housing. You can visit their website to learn more about terminology ( www.kerbycentre.com ).

Another useful way to learn about services and organizations is to contact the seniors department in the government in your parents' province. For example in Ontario you can call the Seniors' INFO line at 1-866-532-3161 (Toll-free in Ontario only) TTY 1-800-387-5559. You could also find out more on the website of Seniors' Care: Home, Community and Residential Care Services for Seniors .

NE, Toronto Canada writes: My parents are in their early-mid 80s and in relatively good health. But what I have noticed in recent years is a much reduced capacity to handle stress. Things that would have been routine at one time -- cancelled appointments, delay in delivery of something, multiple activities planned in one day, etc. -- have much greater mental and even physical impact on them. Is there anything I can do to help them keep things in perspective or is this inevitable with aging?

Maureen Osis: This is an important observation — one that reminds us of the challenges of knowing whether changes are related to — and inevitable with — aging — or more related to the individual.

In my work with seniors, many have told me that they notice they have reduced reserves for handling stress — and they are surprised because they have coped with so many things over the course of their lives.

Perhaps some of this is due to reduced physical energy — because it takes so much energy to respond to stress. Or maybe it is a feeling of loss of control — they notice they are becoming more dependent on others — for example, delivery of something when they can no longer get in the car and pick it up themselves.

One way that families can be supportive is to normalize the reaction; that is, express empathy for the disappointment or frustration. Try to curb your need to brush away the reaction — just listen. Then, you might gently remind your parents of their coping abilities and offer to help, if they want it — but don't rush in to rescue or take over too hastily.

Cana Dian from Toronto Canada writes: Hello Ms Osis,

I'm currently caring for 2 aging parents of 85 years old. They are getting weaker in their older years, and dad is finding it harder to walk even with a cane. Both of them have had heart attacks. I asked my family doctor if it is possible to have them go through a geriatric assessment to see if anything will help improve their quality of life. He told me that there is nothing further to be investigated.

They have annual medical checkups and an appointment with their cardiologist. Is it true that nothing more can be done to assess their health other than a family doctor checkup? I would appreciate any advice re them seeing a gerontologist. Thank you very much, Irene

Maureen Osis: You and your parents are in a common dilemma. Certainly, you want to be sure that you do not fall into the trap of thinking that everything that is happening is "inevitable" and due to "old age." Many family doctors do not have additional training in doing a thorough geriatric assessment. One of the differences is that a geriatric assessment includes medical diagnosis and treatment, as well as assessment of functional abilities: i.e. would physiotherapy assist your dad to regain some strength and mobility.

You are wise in looking for an assessment — you could begin by contacting your local health authority in Toronto and finding out more about geriatric services. You could also visit the website of Seniors' Care: Home, Community and Residential Care Services for Seniors and find out more about local services.

Then contact the services to learn how they accept referrals. And to help you make the right connections — I suggest you use the word "geriatric" as this refers to medical services for care and treatment of older adults. Gerontology is a general term that refers to "study of aging" and is used by a variety of professionals.

And, of course, you want to do this while at the same time maintaining a respectful relationship with the family physician.

Thank you for your question and I hope that these suggestions work for you and your parents.

B. Geo'ff from Oakville Canada writes: Hi.
My mom is getting homecare support. I witnessed the assault of my mother by a care worker. It was reported to the service provider. The worker in question is not coming back. The supervisor's only comment was that this has caused them a scheduling problem. I am meeting with the Community Care Access Centre. Should I call the police? How should I handle this matter? Thank-you.

Maureen Osis: First let me say that I am sorry and distressed to hear that your mother was assaulted. I hope that she is OK.

The reaction of the supervisor is inappropriate. No service should tolerate abuse in any form — physical, emotional, or financial.

Unfortunately, vulnerable people, including frail seniors, can be the victims of abuse and need strong advocates to protect them. You have already taken appropriate steps to ensure this worker is not coming back. You are taking another good step in meeting with CCAC. Ask them about provincial laws regarding the reporting of abuse.

In deciding what other steps to take, have a conversation with your mother and talk about what both of you want. For example, do you want action taken and this worker charged? Do you want to ensure that the service provider will take steps to prevent any further abuse, of your mother and others in their care?

Certainly, you can also call the police and consult them. Some police departments have senior liaison officers who are very knowledgeable about the issues related to abuse by service providers.

Mike F. from Toronto Canada writes: My Mom is a widow of 18 years, very fit for her age, in her mid seventies, living alone in a beautiful waterfront town in a nice but small condo. She has increasingly been feeling lonely as she is not within driving distance of any of her family. My wife and I are soon becoming empty nesters, and tempted to seriously consider inviting her to live with us as we have excess space. We mentioned this possibility to my Mom, and she's on the fence between her independence and being with family. We're novices at this. Where can we go for solid advice?

Maureen Osis: Thank you for raising this question because I am asked it in almost every presentation that I give. It is also a very common concern in those families who consult us.

On the one hand, it is very tempting to invite your mom to live with you, and this arrangement might work out well for everyone. Thousands of families in Canada have taken this step without regret.

On the other hand, your mom may lose too much of her sense of independence and privacy. She might also continue to feel lonely because she is not engaged in activities with her own friends and social network. From my work with aging families, I strongly agree with the research on the importance of social networks. As noted in the article in this series, "social connections affect our health." And families cannot meet all the needs for social connection.

And what will you do if it does not work out, or your mother's health changes and she needs more support in the future?

So, where can you get solid advice?

First, "Talk before you pack" -- here are some questions and areas for conversation taken from our newsletter:

1. Why do you want to live together? Is this the best choice for all concerned?

2. Have you looked at other options — for example, would your mom become more engaged in her own community and thus address her loneliness?

3. How will you provide privacy for each generation?

4. How will household chores be divided? What financial issues should be discussed?

5. What will you do if the arrangement is not working? Can you have a trial period? For example, could your mom live with you for a month and spend that time getting to know the community and joining a seniors' organization. This would allow each generation to test the waters and to gracefully back out, if necessary.

6. Do you see this as a temporary or long-term arrangement? What will you do as your mother's health changes?

Your family might find it helpful to talk to others who have made this decision — check with your circle of family and friends for their advice.

Rasha Mourtada, Globe Life web editor: Thank you, Maureen, for coming online today. To our readers, we're sorry we couldn't get to all of your questions. Any last thoughts, Maureen?

Maureen Osis: Thank you for your questions -- hearing your concerns serves to remind me of the many caring families who are trying to do the right thing for their parents. And thanks to The Globe and Mail for this series of articles and conversation.