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film review

Bruce Willis in Precious Cargo.

The only thing worth stealing in last year's so-so Heist was the scene-stealing performance of Mark-Paul Gosselaar, the former Saved by the Bell actor who's now all grown up and hunky. Max Adams wrote that film, and he's also scripted and directed Precious Cargo, a stunningly unoriginal caper clunker that makes Heist look like Ocean's Eleven. The retired Bruce Willis is featured on the Precious Cargo posters, but he does as little acting as possible as a crime boss whose advisories include a good-guy, Gosselaar-played thief who's involved in a love triangle that includes an untrustworthy fellow bandit (Claire Forlani) and a scrubs-wearing female veterinarian. These people are ridiculously unalarmed, no matter the calamity. Automatic gunfire is ubiquitous and a diamond-carrying armoured truck is openly hijacked, and yet not one police car is seen. Preposterously, the doggie doctor barely blinks an eye when her new boyfriend involves her in a bullet-riddled boat chase. You owe her dinner and a movie for that one, mister! Anyhow, somebody owes someone a movie, because Precious Cargo is a rip-off and a rerun.

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