1) The medley
Given antics like William Shatner’s legendary performance of Elton John’s Rocket Man at the 1978 Science Fiction Film Awards (with two million YouTube hits and counting), his monologue should have been a comedy no-brainer. Alas, the producers utterly misunderstood why that performance was funny – namely, Shatner’s dead-serious, irony-free delivery – and had him ham up tunes like Rush’s Tom Sawyer and Bryan Adams’ Summer of 69 with so much self-consciousness, it was like his entire face had become a giant winking eye. If it wasn’t for the gaffe when he faux-strummed his guitar only to hear the chord sound a full two seconds later, the opening monologue might have been wholly giggle-free.
2) The awful, awful skits
The less said about Shatner’s comedic attempts to join Nickelback (or “William Shatner and the Dime Backs”) and stalk Feist, the better. Come back, Corner Gas, all is forgiven.
3) The teleprompter
Mercifully, there were plenty of laughs to be had from the Department of Unintentional Hilarity, Teleprompter Division. Whether it was lines like “Every time I host the 2012 Juno Awards, people always ask me …” or dropping the “s” from “deadmau5” as though the producer was named after a deceased Chinese revolutionary rather than an expired rodent, the Shat kept the chuckles going through his epic struggle with words.
4) Bridge to Captain Kirk
Remember a little show called Star Trek? Did anybody else find it a bit weird that there was not a single reference to the vehicle that made Shatner mega-famous during the entire broadcast? Could he not have at least pulled a Tribble out of his sport coat, just for old times’ sake?
5) The decks
While the medley was just lousy, there was something almost cute about watching Shatner stand in front of a pair of turntables and nudge the records with his fingers. Aww, grandpa thinks he’s a DJ!