On one of my first visits to L.A. for the TV critics' press tour, in the long-ago, ABC announced that it would air the Miss America Pageant, taking over from NBC. You could practically hear the eye-rolling from 200 TV critics.
Then along came Leonard C. Horn, a deeply tanned sixty something guy, chief executive officer of the Miss America Organization, who said that in that year's "scholastic" competition, contestants could choose a two-piece bathing suit instead of the traditional one-piece. At that point there was derisive giggling. Rising to his theme and noting the laughter, Horn then declared, "This is a scholastic competition. It's not a beauty contest." Guffaws greeted the statement, and by the time we were finished wiping away tears of laughter, Horn seemed to be still talking, but nobody cared.
Years later, we should be flabbergasted to still find beauty pageants on network TV. All sorts of beauty competitions take place in all sorts of places, but you just don't see many of them on TV because networks are reluctant to absorb the criticism that results from endorsing beauty pageants. The pageants are simply demeaning.
So what the frock – Miss Universe (Sunday, NBC, 8 p.m.) takes up three hours of prime-time real estate. And here's an idea: Don't watch it.
No matter how camp you think it is, and no matter how much time you estimate you will spend sneering at it, maybe it's best to just ignore it. Watching it is advocacy for it.
There are countless ways we can appreciate the female form and encourage young women to strive for their goals. We don't actually need to sit and gawp like teenage boys in a state of febrile adolescent fantasy. We certainly don't need to encourage the King of Bores, Donald Trump, in his highly dubious endeavour to foist beauty pageants on the world.
The Miss Universe pageant would probably have faded into obscurity if Trump had not acquired it, as he acquires property, in 1996. Go to the Miss Universe website, which I did on your behalf, and the first photo gallery you find features Trump posing with the 88 Miss Universe contestants. Apart from being gruesomely creepy, it's archaic, demeaning and sexist.
This year, the pageant made the news – the nutty news – when Miss Israel posted a selfie showing her with Lebanese contestant Saly Greige (Miss Slovenia and Miss Japan were in it, too) during preparations in Miami. The young Lebanese woman was immediately in trouble. That is, many angry Lebanese people took to social media to attack her for posing with Miss Israel. Right, well, too many people have too much time on their hands.
I don't know or care what justification is being used to support the continuing existence of Miss Universe as a TV event. Nor should you. Possibly the justification is that world peace is in the hands of 88 comely young women in tight dresses and swimsuits who are trying to be nice to each other for a few days in Miami. Or some other hokum.
You and me, we've got nothing against the contestants. The issue is what Miss Universe represents, rather than the participants. The reason to not watch is that watching aids and abets the dictates and pressures on women to appear a very specific way. So let's not just roll our eyes and giggle. Just ignore the darn thing.
Also airing this weekend
The 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (Sunday, Global, 8 p.m.) is your awards-season fodder this week. Used to be a bit obscure, but the actors-only event – no speeches from behind-the-scenes people you've never heard of – is now firmly established as an attention-getter. As the Screen Actors Guild claims, "Lauded by critics for its style, simplicity and genuine warmth, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, which made its debut in 1995, has become one of the industry's most prized honours." The only televised awards show to exclusively honour performers, it presents 13 awards for acting in film and television.
Among the presenters are Adrien Brody, Laverne Cox, Bryan Cranston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Eric Dane, Viola Davis, Felicity Jones, Lenny Kravitz and Eddie Redmayne. Cumberbatch is up for both The Imitation Game and Sherlock. On the TV side, Canadian Tatiana Maslany, ignored at the Emmy awards, is up for her multiple roles in Orphan Black.
Grantchester (Sunday, PBS, 10 p.m.) is ideal post-Downton Abbey viewing. Set in 1950s England, it's about Sidney Chambers (James Norton), a clever, charismatic clergyman who solves crimes, usually alongside one Geordie Keating (Robson Green) – a salty type – in the tiny town of Grantchester. Based on the mystery novels by James Runcie, it's so cozy it can make you feel very, very sleepy. Mind you, if you saw Happy Valley on Netflix, you will remember star Norton as the evil psychopath and you might be spooked by that memory. Careful, now.