The Brother was on the blower yesterday, first thing.
"Churlish," he said with the air of a man who had suddenly discovered the word. It emerged that he was referring to yesterday's column, which contained some "trash-talking" about Jillian Harris, the current Bachelorette and the first Canadian to attain this position. "She is a comely woman, unused to the vile, vulgar character assassination attempts that are typical of so-called journalism today. And it is characteristic of yourself, and your small efforts," the Brother said.
I have been asked, of late, what had happened to the Brother. Let's just say this: A lengthy investigation showed there was no wrong-doing. He went Zen. He went to Vancouver.
As far as I know, he's been living in a tree house, adjacent to the family home of a young lady who, foolish girl, said "hello" to him. One thing led to another. This can happen in Vancouver, I am informed.
In any case, the Brother was moved to defend the honour of Jillian (Hot Tub) Harris. He began by explaining that reality-TV series such as The Bachelorette have a benign influence on society today. "The genre is the vanguard of a new and important movement to illuminate the discrepancy between the world of appearances and the world of reality," he stated. Yours truly expressed the view that this is an unoriginal observation, probably lifted from an article in a magazine blown by the wind into his tree house. In turn, the Brother made the claim that nothing yours truly has written is truly original, including my occasional references to him. A bit Zen-ish, you'll agree.
In a nutshell (and I suspect he's living on nutshells at the moment), the Brother claimed that The Bachelorette and similar competitive-dating programs are: "A vital element of the necessary and imminent recalibration in personal behaviour, away from 20th-century solemnity and restraint and toward 21st-century frankness and playfulness."
Nonsense, I say. The clod is smitten with Jillian Harris. The Brother duly admitted this. He then went into a reverie, describing the charms of the woman who was notoriously rejected by Bachelor Jason Mesnick after the two had a steamy date in a hot tub. "She is not prodigiously proportioned," the Brother cooed. "She is petite, winsome, fetching and vivacious. She is truly Canada's sweetheart."
To each his own, obviously. The Brother closed with this advice to me: "Apologize to the woman. Apologize with all the sincerity at your disposal."
No. I still assert that Bachelorette Jillian (Hot Tub) Harris is a national disgrace.
Mental (Fox, Global 9 p.m.) is a new, summer drama about a House -type psychiatrist fella. The hero is, of course, played by an English actor sporting an English accent. That's how we know he's super-bright and a rebel. About 10 minutes into tonight's opening episode it also becomes clear that the show is trite, predictable and in no way shape or form a compensation for those viewers already missing new episodes of House .
We meet Dr. Jack Gallagher (Chris Vance from Prison Break ) as he becomes the new director of mental-health services at a Los Angeles hospital. We learn that he is unorthodox because, as soon as he arrives, a patient becomes hostile while being admitted and, to calm him, our hero undresses. As it turns out, naturally, he feels that the mentally ill are often misunderstood. Only he has the ability to look inside their minds to gain a true understanding of them. Tonight, his first task is to help a chap who has talent as an artist. Artists are often taken to be mentally unstable, you see.
Our hero's other task is to bring the hospital staff and administration around to his way of thinking. As luck would have it, this is actually more difficult than calming a crazy person. Immediately, a top doctor (Jacqueline McKenzie) threatens to quit. She doesn't and we don't really expect her to quit, because she's an attractive redhead and a show like this needs an attractive redhead around to suggest future romantic entanglements.
But, of course, there also has to be a suggestion of a love triangle. As it happens, our hero's boss (the great Annabella Sciorra, from The Sopranos and Law & Order: Criminal Intent ), the woman who hired him, actually had a fling with him. Can this be rekindled? Who cares? Our hero is as irritating as the Brother. Probably lives in a tree house too.
Check local listings.
Also airing tonight
Canada's Next Top Model (CTV, 8 p.m.) is back. Yes, the whole darn thing starts all over again. A passel of young, aspiring models are put through their paces - whatever that means in the modelling racket - and face the possible scorn of the judges. That guy Jay Manuel oversees everything. Me, I'm backing Rebeccah. Age: 19. Height: 5-feet-9. Hometown: Ottawa, ON. Occupation: Retail. Why? Because of the name. It's also how I back the horses.
Hitched or Ditched (The CW, CITY-TV, 9 p.m.) is a new reality show. The gist is this: get married, or else. See, it's about couples who have been dating for years, and are given an ultimatum to either get married within the week, or just break up. Tonight's opener is called Bastards out Of Carolina .
Frontline/World: Pakistan Under Siege (PBS, 9 p.m.) was not available for review and was made before current events in Pakistan unfolded, but it should still be timely - "Correspondent Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy journeys through a country under siege, from Pakistan's lawless tribal areas, where the army is battling the Taliban, to the Swat Valley, where the Taliban are fighting to keep control, to the major cities, which the Taliban now have in their sights." J.D.