One of the few new dramas airing this weekend is a crackerjack production that includes this immortal line: "I asked for burgundy tulips, I did not ask for red!"
This raises some questions. First, did you ever read one of those stories in Vanity Fair magazine about really rich people behaving badly? (Usually, there's a murder and photos of some woman who had a facelift, trying to look grim. It occurs to you that it's hard to look grim after a facelift.) Next, did you ever wonder why all the stories are irritating?
They're irritating because they're about people who go berserk if the tulips are the wrong colour. Like, we should have that problem.
Some murders make for interesting drama. Most don't. Fact is, homicide is committed, sometimes, by boring people for banal reasons. All murder is horrific. But we're talking TV drama here. A TV drama based on one of those Vanity Fair stories does not necessarily make for compelling TV.
Murder in the Hamptons (tonight, CTV, 9 p.m.) is Canadian-made, based on one of those murder-in-a-mansion stories. It is the most preposterous kitsch. In fact, it is so preposterously overblown and outrageous that you end up awed by its blithe evocation of these appallingly shallow, self-absorbed prats. You're left thinking, "Thank goodness some Canadian actors got a paycheque out of this."
Directed by Jerry Cicoritti, who has some explaining to do, Murder in the Hamptons is mainly about a rich fella named Ted (David Sutcliff) who is found bludgeoned to death. In these stories there is nothing better than the "bludgeoned to death" storyline. Especially if, as is the case here, the victim's ex-missus had a rep for being a diva and took up with a no-good handyman fella who is a dab hand with a hammer.
The glorious part of playing the ex, named Generosa, falls to Poppy Montgomery of Without a Trace fame. On Without a Trace, she's controlled, an ice-blonde. Here she lets loose as a woman who is rich and is a word that rhymes with rich. It is she who ends up in a rage, in a flowerbed, screaming about the inadequacy of the tulips. It has to be seen to be beloved.
Seen, it is enjoyable if you're in the mood. It is moderately amusing in a semi-prurient way. We meet Generosa when she's a real-estate agent. She sells an apartment to ultrarich businessman Ted. Then, reader, she marries him. Once married, she goes nutso over particulars such as flowers and cutlery. In the setting of the Hamptons, where Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Spielberg are neighbours, this is fairly normal behaviour. It's just when she separates from Ted ("Go back to your whore!" she screams, memorably, referring to someone Ted merely knows from work), and he ends up bludgeoned to death, that the behaviour is thought to be a tad too much. It's all delirious, enjoyable drivel.
Also airing this weekend: It's Me . . . Gerald (Sunday, Showcase, 9:30 p.m.) is wonderful. Utterly captivating and often truly hilarious, it's a mock-documentary about the travails of director Gerald L'Ecuyer as he attempts to mount a stage production of Ibsen's Hedda Gabler. (He's under the impression it's set in Russia, and there's a priceless moment when actor Tom McCamus informs him it's set in Norway, Ibsen being a native of that country.) L'Ecuyer is a charming, childish loon as he lies, connives and cons his way toward a chaotic production. Along the way he's arrested on porn charges -- it's all a mistake, like most actresses she was lying about her age. A number of very good and familiar Toronto actors play along. This is Slings & Arrows on acid. Finally, on Sunday, from 9 to 11 p.m., CTV airs four consecutive episodes of the great Robson Arms. Watch. You should.
DOYLE'S QUICK PICKS
MONDAY
THE NAKED
ARCHEOLOGIST
Vision TV describes this new documentary series, by and about veteran filmmaker Simcha Jacobovici, in unusually excitable terms. It says the series "shows viewers biblical archaeology like they've never seen it before." Of Javobici it says: "Think Ali G. meets Indiana Jones." Certainly, he's irreverent and enthusiastic. And yes, the show is often fascinating as it demystifies biblical archeology, but sometimes you wish the man at the centre of it all would just chill. Vision, 9:30 p.m.
TUESDAY
OVER THERE
Controversial and heavily analyzed, Steven Bochco's series about a unit of American soldiers on duty in the current Iraq conflict packs a powerful punch. Bochco ( NYPD Blue) always errs on the side of macho hysterics, but here his sensibility is perfectly at one with the material -- raw young men and women thrown into the hell of Iraq. Hard to watch at times because it shows viewers what happens when bombs explode and people are shot, it is one of the key U.S. dramas of this season. It was made for the F/X channel, not Showtime, as I wrote last week. History, 9 p.m.