The Globe and Mail

It's a little unsettling that lately I'm spending a lot of time writing about layoffs and firings (see these recent posts: 1,2,3), but it's tough to ignore the carnage out there. I imagine many of you feel the same way. Perhaps you've seen colleagues, family members or friends let go over the past few months. And maybe you're wondering how you can help them out. Here's some advice.

Lemondrop.com recently published an article, “What to Say to a Friend Who's Been Laid Off.” It has some Dos and Don'ts that could prove helpful these days. A sample of the tips:

Do: Take the Person to Dinner
Treating your pal to a meal helps her enjoy the "normal" pleasures that are often first to go when money gets tight. And it gives her the opportunity to spill her stress -- or ignore it altogether for an hour or two. "Nothing is more fun than going out worrying about spending the money, then having a friend pick up the check," says CJ, who recently lost a video production job. "Good times, and it makes the food taste so much better."

Don't: Take The Person to Task
"Helpful" suggestions about getting back on their feet don't always come out right. Dale, whose Web site folded, resents the line, "Why don't you take this opportunity to go back to school?" which he says comes with the unspoken suggestion " ... and incur $40,000 in loans?" at the worst possible time.

Joanna, who was working in the real estate field, loathes people who advise her to, "Get online and look for a job." "I hate when people act as if it's so easy and I'm just not doing it. Obviously I'm doing everything I can!"

Do: Hear Her Out
"Initially, bitching about the industry really helps," says Ruth, whose architecture firm downsized. "Hearing gossip about how other firms are doing even worse helps you feel like you're not such an anomaly."

Don't: Compare Your Situation to Theirs
It's great to lend an ear, but don't act like you're in the same boat unless you truly are. "After the layoffs, a bunch of us went out for drinks to console each other," says Ruth. "People who still had jobs tagged along to 'support' us and honestly, the last thing you want to hear is support from the 'other' side."

Dale says to avoid pick-me-ups like "I got laid off, too, but I'm suddenly so busy with freelance I can barely remember my old job!" It may seem like you're offering hope, but it can also be undermining if the person isn't as lucky as you.