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Tuesday, February 2, 2010 2:26 PM EST
The grinding of axes
Life in Quebec these days has the feel of an old Charles Bronson revenge-fantasy flick.
Retribution seems to be the prevailing sentiment right at the minute.
The most talked-about movie in the province is based on a Patrick Senecal novel about a father who tortures and kills his child’s murderer.
Link to this postThursday, January 28, 2010 6:18 PM EST
My love is like a red, red goalie pad
This week marked the 251st anniversary of Robbie Burns’ birth, which as good an excuse as any to swill some single malt and cheaply corrupt the title of his famous poem for the sake of a funny-ish headline.
But make no mistake, we strongly believe in the Bard of Ayrshire’s lyrical conception of love, and why not, he is, after all, the Greatest Scot of All-Time (you can look it up, he won a TV contest and everything).
“As fair art thou, my bonnie (Russian defenceman),
So deep in luve am I:
And I will luve thee still, my dear (goaltender),
Till a’ the seas gang dry:”
Thursday, January 28, 2010 3:08 PM EST
Organizational behaviour
Before we became information industry titans and an offshore-registered multi-national concern, the founders of French Immersion spent long years slugging through the newspaper trenches.
That means we have experience working in organizations that range from mom-and-pop to monolithic, and in addition to providing all sorts of cocktail hour fodder and mirthful anecdotes, it's led us to a few conclusions.
Petty rivalries exist everywhere, and the lower the stakes the more vicious the fight; people in successful organizations hate each other as much as those in unsuccessful ones, they're just nicer, or at least more passive-aggressive about it; there are simpering suck-ups in all places of work, and they eventually get theirs; it's never a good idea to date someone you might one day have to share a desk with.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 10:57 PM EST
That’s gratitude, for you
Hey gang, we’ve been busy with our day job and haven’t had a chance to feed the goa... er, file an amusing blog item for our devoted readers today.
But we did find this old, yellowed script on our fire hazard of a desk, amid all the rejection slips and unpaid bills.
We reproduce it without comment.
The Hawk: A tale of love and rage
(based on a true story)
FADE IN:
EXT. A CAVERNOUS BASEBALL STADIUM – NIGHT A gap-toothed child hangs over the stands at the players’ exit from the field in hopes of landing an autograph from his favourite player. His team has lost, again, but valiantly, and he’s trembling at the prospect of meeting his hero.
Kid (mumbling): “Great game mister, can I get an autograph?” (to childhood hero, Expos No. 10)
No. 10 (weary, limping on his gimpy knees): “Thanks kid, here, let me sign that glove.”
Kid (tears in his eyes): “This is the best day ever. And you’re the best player ever. When you get to the Hall of Fame, will you be wearing that hat?”
No. 10: “You know I will, I love it here.”
DISSOLVE
INT. A NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY
Close-up on a computer screen, wire stories scroll by as a bored scribe looks blankly at his tube. A soft bong sounds, the reporter sits bold upright.
Reporter (inner dialogue, v.o.): “Well would you look at that, Andre Dawson’s going into Cooperstown as an Expo! Fantastic!
“Wait a minute – what fresh hell is this?!? He wanted to go in as a Cub? And now he’s complaining about it? Well, we never.”
TIGHT CLOSE-UP ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN
A blank file pops up, the words FRENCH IMMERSION appear across the top.
(sound of computer keys tapping furiously as words scroll) So Andre Dawson is blubbering on ESPN radio that despite his evident preference to enter Cooperstown as a Cub, his hopes have thwarted by the Hall of Fame and he will now glumly do so as an Expo.
It’s kinda like Gary Carter, who reportedly asked to go in as a Met.
Our inner 12-year-old, who lived and died with the Expos that gave these guys their careers, says screw ’em both.
Does Rick Monday have a charity we can contribute to?
-30-
MEDIUM SHOT – REPORTER
A self-satisfied smirk spreads across the world-weary scribbler’s face. He reaches out for a baseball card that’s propped on his desk, carefully removes it from its plastic case and flicks his lighter with one hand.
TIGHT CLOSE-UP ON THE LIGHTER
Flames lick the card as it’s flipped into a wastebasket.
FADE TO BLACK
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 4:06 PM EST
Are vegans allowed to eat lutfisk?
Now, we're not lawyers.
Oh no, we're far superior to that, because unlike practitioners of the world's most-hated profession, we are charter members of the second-most hated class of folk: journos.
But we have several legalists our family, which comes in handy for dealing with litigious neighbours, vindictive traffic cops and overly-aggressive insurance adjusters.
Monday, January 25, 2010 3:29 PM EST
Fun with numbers
Happy Monday, good people.
In our down moments, we at FI encourage (browbeat?) our staff to take the occasional tip-toe through the archives to look for neat and trivial facts.
It’s our way of pitching in to narrow Canada’s productivity gap, and occasionally we turn up some neato information.
Like: the Montreal Canadiens haven’t had someone knock one of them rubber disks into the twine shrine 40 times in a season since 1993-94.
That year, the distinction belonged to a man called Vincent Damphousse. The previous season, which ended rather well for the Habs, as we recall, Brian Bellows turned the trick.
We mention this because a certain Michael Cammalleri now has 26 goals in 53 games, a pace that would put him on pace for 40 on the nose, according to our admittedly wobbly math.
Forty is a nice round number, but neither as nice nor as round as 50. This season marks the 20th anniversary since Stephane “Rocket” Richer hit that mythical plateau. Note to the Habs’ marketing department: that’s a fifth of a centennial! Must be worth at least a special edition t-shirt or coin purse.
No one’s really come close since then, although our pal Arpon Basu at the Daily Hab-it has done some extrapolating and found that budding Franco-Ontarian superstar Benoit Pouliot’s 10 in 15 scoring clip projects to 56 goals over a whole season.
It is to dream for Habs fans.
More numbers, Harper’s index style:
-Record in the absence of G. Laraque: 2-0
-Record in the presence of M. Darche, proud McGill alum: 2-0-1
-Record since the return of some guy named A. Markov: 10-5-2
-Record with R. O’Byrne, an actual right-handed defenceman, in the lineup last week: 2-0-1
Uh, that’s it.
Before we carry on to our day job, we have a quick thought concerning all these people who have proclaimed Jaro Halak the Habs’ Official Number One Goalie ™.
Yeah, he beat the Devils on Friday (in a week where they were also shut out by the Islanders) and nailed ‘er shut against the Rangers.
But the Habs reached the magical three-goal plateau in both those games. It's a truism in the NHL, score two or fewer, and you'll have a hard time winning, even if you're Marty F. Brodeur, as our friend Boone calls the lucki- er, best goalie of all time.
This is not to hack on poor-hard-done-by Jaro, the poster boy for suffering at the hands of outrageous favouritism. He was good with gusts to superb in both games, but not as brilliant, on the whole, as the team in front of him.
In the ritual dismemberment of the Rangers, he did nothing to prevent the opposition’s best first-period scoring chance (a long rebound he gave up to Marian Gaborik in the slot, which the Slovak obliged by firing three feet above the net), and was bailed out after going down early by Josh Gorges, who hooked Ryan Callahan (or it might have been Dubinsky, the two are indistinguishable to us) as he barreled in from the wing on a partial break.
Later, Enver Lisin beat an inadequately positioned Halak, but hit the post, Artem Anisimov did likewise it in the final minute.
We’re of the school that posts actually constitute good positioning (it doesn’t count as a shot after all) but some of our colleagues like Frankie Gagnon of La Presse point out it’s counted as a scoring chance and argue reflects iffy positioning. Fair enough, sauce, goose, gander, etc.
So a shutout then, but not a particularly tidy one against a team that essentially packed its tent after going down 3-0.
Jaro looks good, s'truth, but Carey hasn’t exactly looked awful (other than the first goal against the Blues) in starts against Dallas and St. Louis.
For the record, Halak is 3-1-1 in January, Price is 1-3-1. Halak has given up 11 goals, Price 15. The difference? The Habs have scored more in Halak’s wins against the NYR, the NJD, the Panthers than they did against streaking Ottawa, St. Louis, Washington and Buffalo. Guess who was in net for those?
No points for guessing our boy Carey. Once again folks, with feeling: goaltending is not the story!
The main warm fuzzy from the last weekend is that the Habs have rid themselves of a distraction in the person of Comrade Georges, and are playing better against good teams.
The late fight-back against St. Louis to tie it up and force OT - which Markov should by rights have tilted Montreal's way - may eventually be remembered as the jumping off point. Carey blew a gasket at Cam Janssens, Laraque was punted the next morning, the Habs landed in Jersey and overcame a soft first-period goal to smoke their nemesis in their own barn.
This week’s games against Florida, the Lightning and the suddenly unbeatable Sens are key, they get the Canucks, Broons (x 2), Pens, Caps, and Flyers (x2) in their seven games after that.
Monday, January 25, 2010 11:18 AM EST
A villain speaks
Back in the 1980s, when skinny leather ties and floppy hair were cool, R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe warbled/mumbled (wumbled?) that “You can’t get there from here.”
Which, to be honest, has been our long-held view in regards to Rouyn-Noranda, which we’ve had the pleasure of visiting four or five times on various electoral wagon trains.
Nothing against the place, it’s just a little remote for our taste.
Thursday, January 21, 2010 3:49 PM EST
Happy landings, Comrade Georges
We’ve been preoccupied by other things today, but word has reached our ears that Bob Gainey has parted with ways with another fourth-liner.
We are assured this is a big deal.
So after swapping Guillaume Latendresse for Benny Pouliot, out goes Georges Laraque.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 6:15 PM EST
Some afternoon odds and sods
Well, well, well. With all the excitement, we neglected to riff on the fact Vos Canadiens de Montreal have now tumbled into 12th place, with Tampa Bay looming two lanes wide in the rearview mirror.
Surely there’s fodder there for another episode of trademark French Immersion hilarity, but we can’t be bothered. To be frank, we’re a bit knackered, it’s already been the week of 10,000 words and it’s only hump day.
Instead, we’ll take the path of least resistance and provide a wee miscellany of stuff that’s caught our eye.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 11:10 AM EST
More violence? Or just more reports of violence?
Economists, who tend to be a grumpy and dour lot by both inclination and avocation, usually refer to it as reporting bias.
It plagues most government statistics and stems from the fact that definitions can change over time and human beings aren't always consistent in the way they track and categorize things. This in turn causes much skepticism and harrumphing in regards to fiscal indicators.
Hey, they don't call it the dismal science for nothing.
French Immersion Contributors
Sean Gordon
Sean Gordon covers sports in the Globe and Mail's Montreal bureau, and admits to being a long-suffering Newcastle United supporter.
Raised in Ottawa, he studied political science and economics at McGill University, where he discovered the wonder that is Forum hot dogs, and journalism at the University of Regina, where he developed an unreasonable attachment to the "other" Riders.
Prior to joining the Globe in 2008, he covered crime, politics and sports, at various points, for the Calgary Herald, Montreal Gazette and Toronto Star, and during 15 years in newspapers has written on topics ranging from rodeo cowboys to street gangs in Haiti.
In a previous life he covered sovereignists, federalists and autonomists in Quebec's National Assembly, rode the buses during two federal elections as a Parliamentary correspondent, and followed Barack Obama during the Democratic primaries.
Gordon cut his teeth as a sports scribe covering the oft-lamented Montreal Expos, and has been to the Grey Cup, the World Junior Hockey Championship, the Stanley Cup playoffs, the Rugby World Cup and too many amateur sporting events to mention.
His twin career highlights are meeting Nelson Mandela and narrowly avoiding death by an errant Vladimir Guerrero batting-practice home run at spring training 2001.