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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford (left) sweats and laughs with his brother Doug (right) following their weigh-ins marking the start of a 6 month weight loss challenge that Ford and his brother Doug are attempting in Toronto on Monday, January 16, 2012. Rob Ford weighed in at 330lbs and hopes to loose 50lbs by June 18th. Doug Ford weighed in at 275lbs. (Pawel Dwulit For The Globe and Mail)
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford (left) sweats and laughs with his brother Doug (right) following their weigh-ins marking the start of a 6 month weight loss challenge that Ford and his brother Doug are attempting in Toronto on Monday, January 16, 2012. Rob Ford weighed in at 330lbs and hopes to loose 50lbs by June 18th. Doug Ford weighed in at 275lbs. (Pawel Dwulit For The Globe and Mail)

SATIRE

From Rubik’s Revenge to the ShamWow!, the Ford Bros. give the best birthday gifts Add to ...

“He’s the only guy in the world who gets an Escalade from his brothers and complains and bitches about it.” – Doug Ford

When Rob Ford began showing up to public events in a shiny black Cadillac Escalade recently, it was revealed that the mayor wasn’t initially comfortable with the flashy new ride, which was a gift from brothers Randy and Doug. But the Escalade is just the latest in a long line of brotherly gifts foisted upon the younger Ford, all of which have enriched the mayor’s character and strengthened the bonds within Toronto’s most powerful political family. Herewith, a timeline of Ford brothers birthday gifts:

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1980

A joyful 11-year-old Rob Ford opens his birthday presents to discover his parents have bought him the gift he wanted least: Rubik’s Revenge, the more complex version of the then wildly popular Rubik’s Cube, with 7,401 septillion permutations. “Rob got the original Rubik’s Cube the year before and just hated it,” older brother Doug remembers. “So me and Randy told my parents, ‘Rob really wants Rubik’s Revenge.’ The look on his face that day was priceless.”

1982

As 13-year-old Rob eagerly looks forward to a birthday party at McDonald’s, older brother Doug secretly goes behind his parents’ back and cancels the reservation, booking the group at the just-opened and untested Chuck E. Cheese instead. “I was just livid,” a smiling Mayor Ford remembers. “I actually tried to get my dad, who was an MPP, to have my older brother banned from the city of Toronto. But Chuck E. Cheese turned out to be incredible. Easily the best birthday party I’ve ever had.”

1991

A 22-year-old Rob Ford comes home to discover that brothers Doug and Randy have replaced every light switch in his home with The Clapper. “It was supposed to be this big practical joke,” Rob Ford recalls. “But two weeks later Doug and Randy were installing Clappers of their very own. They’re amazing.”

2004

A 36-year-old Ford returns home from a busy day of lone-wolf politics at City Hall and notices many familiar cars in the driveway. Expecting a surprise party, he opens the door to his house to discover the Ford family sombrely seated in his living room for an intervention. As the “talking pillow” is passed around, each family member tearfully begs Rob to use the Dr. Scholl’s Odor Destroyer Scented Insoles given to him by his brothers. After 14 hours of heartfelt pleading, he relents.

2009

While washing his aging Chevrolet Uplander minivan on his 40th birthday, Rob reaches into his bucket to grab his trusty chamois, only to discover it has been upgraded to a ShamWow! by brothers Randy and Doug. Initially furious, the soon-to-be mayor is quickly won over by the high-tech rag’s incredible absorbency. In a moment of euphoric, open-mouthed incredulity, he utters, “It’s just like on TV.”

2012

Rob is famously nonplussed when brothers Doug and Randy replace his Chevy Uplander with a luxurious Cadillac Escalade. But days later, after roaring past a slow-moving streetcar, Rob returns home, wraps his brothers in a bear hug and says, “You guys are the best.”

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