Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Chocolates were purchased. Flowers procured at the last minute. Proposals were made.
All across the globe, couples engaged in premeditated, pre-processed, spontaneity-free sexual congress. It was Valentine’s Day, after all, the night the western world sits in restaurants and stares across the table at the object of its affection thinking, “In three hours, if there isn’t a fight, I’m going to have part of my anatomy enmeshed in part of their anatomy.”
This Valentine’s Day, however, was a troubling new development. People were dumping on the act of having sex in your car. One national media outlet ran a lame “Is it a good idea to have sex in your car?” video segment. Though I was perturbed by the stupidity of the headline – if it’s consensual, it’s always a good idea to have sex – I was most dismayed by the attack on car sex.
The woman in favour spoke of “being with your sweetheart and showing that you love him anywhere and everywhere” (I’ve actually had car sex and believe me that’s not what it’s about) and the guy who was against car sex said he was opposed because it is difficult and cramped. Note to nerd: How can you tell when you’re having great sex? It feels difficult and you start cramping.
Then the newspapers were filled with reports of a B.C. RCMP officer who was being docked 10 days pay for having sex with a subordinate officer in a police patrol car two years ago. Hey, British Columbia RCMP – if you don’t want people to have sex in your patrol cars don’t make them so sexy! Flashing lights, handcuffs, strong sturdy exterior, pressed uniforms, hats, who can resist?
The anti-automotive Valentine’s Day vibe let the air out of my tires. It’s bad enough that, as a car lover in a car-hating world, I have to hang my head and wear a scarlet “D” for driver. Now it looks like it is open season on car fornication. Is nothing sacred?
So it’s up to me (again) to champion freedom, to summon the ghosts of bucket seats and fogged windows and defend the pursuit of paradise by the dashboard light. To tell the world why car sex is not only good but should probably be mandatory. So, I present my completely unbiased treatise.
Why You Should Have Sex in Your Car:
