Toronto is in a "carfrontation" over the fate of the notorious Gardiner Expressway. Some wish to tear it down – or at least its 1.7-kilometre eastern branch. These folks wish to replace it with a boulevard that will cost $461-million and make car commutes (according to city planners) a "few minutes" longer. On the other side are motorists who commute on the Gardiner. The idea of losing even a foot of it sends them into hysteria. They're championed by Mayor John Tory, who wants a $919-million "hybrid option" that will keep the Gardiner as it is with a few adjustments.
Is getting rid of the Gardiner a bold step forward or a leap into the abyss? Take the Gardiner Quiz to find out.
1.) Celebrated urbanist Richard Florida dubbed Gardiner-lovers an "advantaged leadership group" who "like to drive." How are those condemned to commute on this troubled stretch "advantaged?"
a) They know how much suffering they can take and still function.
b) They aren't burdened by owning million-dollar homes downtown.
c) The mom who must drive because it's the only way to be on time to pick up her kids is "advantaged" because she gets plenty of valuable "me time" while stuck in traffic.
d) At least they aren't celebrated urbanists.
2.) We should tear down the Gardiner because …
a) Torontonians can then spend blissful hours wandering around all the condos trying to find the lake.
b) Fun to see stuff blow up.
c) Once we have a boulevard, Toronto will finally become the Louisville of the North.
3.) City officials say taking down the eastern part of the Gardiner will only add a "few minutes" to commute times. Which of the following is also one of their estimates?
a) The War on Terror will last a "few years."
b) Getting a root canal without anesthetic will hurt "a bit."
c) It "won't be too long" until the Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
d) While he was mayor, Rob Ford smoked "some" crack.
3.) Answer yes or no to the following:
a) The 120,000 commuters who use the eastern section of the Gardiner each day should be forced to paint a scarlet "G" on the side of their Audis.
b) If history has taught us anything, it's that failing to invest in public transit and praying to the mighty automobile is the best way to cure gridlock.
c) People who want the Gardiner torn down are the kind of people who drive their Volvos up to the cottage where they eat locally sourced food and lobby municipal governments to pass bylaws that prevent people from building more cottages.
d) People who love the Gardiner are the kind of people who sit in their cars complaining about cyclists while spending hours spewing fumes into the air and then spend another 20 minutes idling their SUVs outside their kids' schools.
e) Experts say the more roads you build, the more traffic you get, so the best way to fix things is to tear up all the roads and travel by horseback.
f) I want to live like those people in the "artist's concept" pictures of the future world waterfront. They've got it made.
4.) Expressway founder Frederick G. Gardiner was famous for which motto?
a) "Humiles laborant ubi potentes dissident" ("The lowly suffer when the powerful disagree.")
b) "Non est ad astra mollis e terris via." ("There is no easy way to the stars from earth.")
c) "Ascendo tuum, Toronto!" ("Up yours, Toronto!")
5) When Mayor John Tory says, "we can't pretend this is a city without cars and trucks and without jobs to protect and business to be done and people to get home to their families." What he really means is:
a) Hell hath no fury like a motorist slightly inconvenienced.
b) Change scare Tarzan. Tarzan no like change.
c) I'm banking on self-driving cars eventually getting the vote.
Your Score: When it comes to the Gardiner Expressway, there are no wrong answers. Only truth-challenged ones. Besides, everyone knows the fastest way to get around Toronto is by bicycle.
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Andrew Clark