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(LUKE MACGREGOR)
(LUKE MACGREGOR)

The Globe's stars and dogs for the week: Dick's Sporting Goods shares land in the rough Add to ...

A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week.

DOG: Dick's Sporting Goods

How to lose money at golf: 

1) After your second quadruple-bogey, wrap your new $1,000 driver around a tree
2) Make a wager with a guy who turns out to be a former touring pro
3) Invest in Dick’s Sporting Goods

Citing a “continued significant decline” in its golf business, which has been hurt by a glut of inventory and a decline in the sport’s popularity, the retailer chopped its full-year sales and profit outlook, sending the shares into the sand trap.

DKS (NYSE), $43.08 (U.S.)

down $8.49 or 16.5% over week 

STAR: Royal Bank of Canada

The press release that got rejected:

Royal Bank of Canada is pleased to report that, in the fiscal second-quarter ended April 30, 2014, net income rose 15 per cent to $2.2-billion. In light of these solid results – driven by strength in wealth management, lending and capital markets – we will be reducing service charges, slashing lending rates and offering free hot dogs and soft drinks throughout the summer at all of our branches.


RY (TSX), $75.30

up $2.46 or 3.4% over week

STAR: Tiffany & Co.

“Here honey. I got you something from Tiffany.”

“Really!? A diamond necklace!?”

“Nope.”

“A pair of gold earrings!?”

“Nope. It’s 100 shares of Tiffany & Co..The company’s first-quarter earnings soared and I figure the shares will hold their value better than any stupid overpriced bauble.”

“How romantic of you.”


TIF (NYSE), $96.59 (U.S.)

up $6.11 or 6.7% over week 

STAR: Ophthotech

Ophthotech – try saying that three times fast. However you pronounce it, the word was music to the ears – or you might say the eyes – of investors this week. The biotech company said it could potentially receive more than $1-billion under a deal with Novartis to market Ophthotech’s experimental eye drug Fovista – which treats macular degeneration – outside the United States. Investors can see the money clearly now.


OPHT (Nasdaq), $38.03 (U.S.)

up $6.95 or 22.4% over week

DOG: PetSmart Inc.

Oh no. Here she comes again with that ridiculous doggy sweater. I hate wearing that thing. I’ve got fur if you haven’t noticed! And those ridiculous booties are always falling off. Why don’t you just let me be a dog for Pete’s sake? Ya know, a lot of owners are skipping all the stupid doggy accessories, judging by PetSmart’s sluggish sales. Guess you didn’t get the memo.


PETM (Nasdaq), $55.30 (U.S.)

down $9.67 or 14.9% over week

Follow on Twitter: @johnheinzl

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