A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
WAL-MART - DOG
Introducing rollback pricing on Wal-Mart’s stock!
Because consumers are pocketing the money they save on gas instead of spending it in our stores, our first-quarter results were worse than expected. And that means big savings for you, the investor! Our share price has been rolled back by 15 per cent since January. So get in now before this incredible offer expires.
The more shares you buy, the more you save!
WMT (NYSE), $75.86 (U.S.), down $3.38 or 4.3% over week
LOWES - DOG
You know when you decide to renovate your bathroom by yourself, and when you flush the toilet, water pours into your kitchen sink? Lowes investors have their own home-improvement troubles: hurt by aggressive spring promotions from rival Home Depot, Lowes posted first-quarter earnings of 70 cents (U.S.) a share – less than the 74 cents analysts were expecting – flushing a lot of investors’ money down the toilet.
LOW (NYSE), $69.54 (U.S.), down $3.55 or 4.9% over week
ETSY- DOG
Things you can actually buy on Etsy.com:
1) A tank top that says “I love shoes, booze and boys with tattoos;”
2) A wooden smartphone toy for babies and toddlers “so they can be just like mommy and daddy;”
3) An old pair of boxing gloves that “need a cleaning.”
And so much more. Judging by Etsy’s loss of $36.6-million (U.S.) in its first quarterly report since going public in April, however, shoppers aren’t exactly lining up.
ETSY (Nasdaq), $17.17 (U.S.), down $2.88 or 14.4% over week
OPEN TEXT- DOG
For years, Open Text’s shares went virtually straight up. Now, gravity appears to be taking hold. Hit by currency volatility, the impact of customers moving to the cloud and a “challenging global selling environment,” the business software company issued fourth-quarter guidance below analyst estimates. With the warning coming just a few weeks after disappointing third-quarter results, some investors are closing the book on Open Text.
OTC (TSX), $52.90, down $5.78 or 9.9% over week
TUCOWS- STAR
Tucows sure is milking its first-quarter earnings report. Since the Internet services and cellphone company announced on May 7 that revenue and earnings surged in the period ended March 31, the shares have rocketed by more than 40 per cent. With Tucows’s U.S.-based Ting mobile-phone business “growing like a weed,” according to the company, investors are hoofing it to the grocery store to load up on the best cuts of steak.
TC (TSX), $30.00, up $6.23 or 26.2% over week