A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Lost your job at Royal Bank to a temporary foreign worker? Good news: McDonald’s is hiring. With the fast-food giant’s stock hitting record highs, the Golden Arches held its third annual National Hiring Day this week in a bid to recruit 6,000 employees across Canada. True, flipping burgers won’t make you rich, but consider the possibilities for advancement: McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson took home $13.75-million last year.
Theory: Gold will protect you in a financial calamity.
Reality: Gold is a financial calamity.
With money pouring into equity markets and U.S. indexes hitting record highs, investors can’t dump their gold overboard fast enough. Friday’s selloff – sparked by worries that Cyprus will sell part of its gold reserves – plunged bullion into a bear market, making it all but certain that the precious metal’s 12-year winning streak will end in 2013. Gold, schmold.
Hey kids! Corus Entertainment’s earnings fell this week, and you know why? Because you let them down. You didn’t buy as many Beyblade spinning tops as you did last year. And that’s bad, because Corus produces the Beyblade TV show and gets a cut of every Beyblade toy sold at the store. If you buy fewer Beyblades, the stock falls and investors get really, really sad and cry.
So kids, what are you going to buy with your allowance this week? Hint: It starts with a B.
There once was a business called HP
Not the steak sauce, the brand of the PC
As computer sales tumbled
Investors, they grumbled
“This stock has been costing me mon-ey”
Research In Motion
True or false: Customers are returning the new BlackBerry Z10 in droves because it’s “unintuitive.”
True, if you believe a research note from Detwiler Fenton.
False, if you believe Research In Motion, which has asked the SEC and OSC to investigate what it calls a “false and misleading report” by the Boston-based investment firm.
Whatever the truth is, after RIM’s plunge investors probably wish they could return their shares for a refund.