A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Coming soon to Netflix:
Redemption of a Stock Market Dud. In this inspiring true story, a video-streaming company’s stock soars to nearly $300, only to collapse to less than $55 amid growing doubts about its business model. Just when all hope seems lost, however, the stock makes a dramatic comeback after the company swings to a profit in the fourth quarter, squeezing short sellers in the process.
Two thumbs way up from investors.
“Apple stock bruised.” “Apple bites market.” “Investors sour on Apple.”
It’s a good thing headline writers were having fun after Apple posted quarterly results, because investors certainly weren’t. In a sign that the tech juggernaut has hit the wall, the iPhone and iPad maker posted weaker-than-expected sales and issued a revenue and gross margin forecast that disappointed Wall Street, turning the stock into – this is hilarious – Apple sauce.
Procter & Gamble
Which of the following does Procter & Gamble make:
a) Pampers diapers;
b) Tide detergent;
c) Duracell batteries;
d) Iams pet food.
Actually, it makes all four – and dozens more well-known brands. Helped by higher prices, new products and market share gains, the world’s largest consumer products company posted sales and profit that topped expectations, giving the stock a nice Bounce (yup, it makes that, too).
Q: What did the Iamgold investor say after the company released 2012 production results?
Even as the company more than doubled the resource estimate for its planned Côté Gold project in Northern Ontario, analysts downgraded the shares after Iamgold forecast higher costs in 2013 and said 2012 production missed guidance, hurt by joint-venture mines in Mali. Lately, the stock’s been anything but golden.
Research In Motion
How to make money on technology stocks in three easy steps:
1) When the stock is rising, buy as many shares as you can. Massive leverage is recommended.
2) When the stock starts falling, take out a huge short position and ride that sucker all the way down;
3) When the company is preparing to launch a new handheld device, go long again. Works every time – at least that’s what I tell the guys down at the club.