A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Hi, I’m Carl Icahn,
Most of you schleps have to work for a living. Me? I just mention that I own a stock and up it goes. Watch this: Hello CNBC? Herb-a-life. What did I tell you? I just made more money in two seconds than you’ll make in your entire life. Works with Twitter, too: “We currently have a large position in Apple. We believe the company to be extremely undervalued.” See? Five per cent just like that. I’m done for the day.
Aug. 16 close: $502.33 (U.S.), up $47.88 or 10.5% over week
Hi, Warren Buffett here.
In case my friend Carl Icahn left you with the impression that he’s the only billionaire who can single-handedly drive a stock through the roof, I’ve got two words for you: Suncor Energy.
It’s up 6 per cent this week since we disclosed our position in a regulatory filing.
Now go out and buy some more Suncor shares and make Uncle Warren some more money. Go on.
Aug. 16 close: $35.33, up $2.12 or 6.4% over week
Write your own happy ending to the BlackBerry story!
After a lengthy bidding process, CEO Thorsten Heins sells the company to (choose one: Prem Watsa; Microsoft; private equity) and gets a $55.6-million golden handshake, which he promptly (gives back; donates to charity; uses to buy ice cream for every BlackBerry shareholder).
Judging by the stock’s tepid rise after BlackBerry put itself up for sale, however, buyers aren’t exactly lining up.
Aug. 16 close: $10.86, up 81¢ or 8.1% over week
Wal-Mart executive No. 1: “I’ve got good news and bad news.”
Wal-Mart executive No. 2: “What’s the good news?”
Executive No. 1: “We’re making wonderful progress reducing checkout times.”
Executive No. 2: “And the bad news?”
Executive No. 1: “It’s because the number of shoppers fell 0.5 per cent in the second quarter on account of higher taxes and rising gas prices.”
Aug. 16 close: $74.11 (U.S.), down $2.79 or 3.6% over week
True or false: Grocery retailers are ultra-safe investments because everyone has to eat.
Just ask a Metro shareholder, after same-store sales fell 0.9 per cent in the third quarter, the company said 15 of its Ontario stores will be closed or converted to the discount Food Basics banner, leading to employee buyouts and a reorganization charge of about $40-million. The stock’s spending time in the freezer section.
Aug. 16 close: $69.74, down $3.15 or 4.3% over week