personal finance breaking up fighting couple financial adviserdiego cervo
After a recent entry in this blog about how many Canadians are unhappy with their financial advisers, a friend confided that he is trying to leave his.
"I am ditching my guy after four years and just signing up a new one that is better suited for my needs," he told me. But he wasn't sure how to actually deliver the bad news to his long-time consultant.
Like any relationship, the one between investor and financial adviser requires trust and compatibility to be successful. Breaking up is hard to do. But, like Joe Cocker says, when the magic is gone, there's no sense in holding on. For my friend, and anyone else trying to dump their adviser, here a couple of ways to deliver the blow.
1. It's not you, it's me. It's a classic because it works. Accept the blame for your portfolio of worthless penny stocks and you get to avoid a tearful confrontation. And your adviser will still know it really is about them.
2. Put it in an email. Don't want to dump your adviser in person? Send an email to tell him or her that the relationship is finished. Don't know what to say? BreakUpEmail.com can help. All you have to do is choose the reason for the breakup (I found someone else, I'm moving away, etc.) and press send.
3. Write a post-it note. Remember that Sex and the City episode where Carrie's boyfriend Berger breaks up with her through a post-it note? It's not classy, but it is effective. Write "It's over" on a yellow sticky and attach it to the insurance form he asked you to sign and send back.
4. Send a Dump Monkey. For $24.95 (U.S.), DumpMonkey.com will send your soon-to-be-ex adviser a 16-inch stuffed monkey, a certificate stating the date and time the relationship ended and a phone call to confirm that the breakup is for real. You don't need to say a word.
5. Sue your adviser. Nothing says it's over like a lawsuit. That's how one of my relatives ended her relationship with the adviser who put all of her savings into an Air Canada bond, without her permission, a few months before the airline filed for bankruptcy (for the second time).
6. Get your adviser to break up with you. Let your adviser do the dirty work - after all, you are paying the fees. Take a couple of days to be the worst client ever. Call your adviser every hour for a portfolio update, visit his or her office without an appointment, and tell your adviser that you're seeing a therapist for an anger control disorder that is triggered by high mutual fund management expense ratios. Your adviser will call it quits before RRSP season.
7. Get your new adviser to do it. Make your new adviser work for your money. Let them call your old adviser to ask for all of your paperwork. You get to hide innocently behind the scenes.
8. Send a telegram. A little old-fashioned perhaps, but the telegram could say something like, "You lost all my money. Stop. No really. Stop."
9. Change your Facebook status to single. And post an update saying you've just fired your financial adviser. They'll get the message.
10. Be honest. Not quite as much fun as your other options, but it is probably the most appropriate. Face the music and be straight up with your adviser. Tell him or her that your needs are not being met and that you're moving on. After all, financial advisers are professionals and have probably heard it before. They can handle the truth.