SIRI AGRELL
From Thursday's Globe and Mail Last updated on Friday, Mar. 13, 2009 11:23AM EDT
IT'S NO GLASS SLIPPER
The Product Geox red pumps
The Pitch For extra comfort on the most special day of the year, Geox's greatest feature: the breathable waterproof ultra-light rubber shoes.
The Problem While shoes are the way to any girl's heart, there are few phrases less sexy than "breathable waterproof ultra-light rubber" - unless you're talking bondage gear.
FOR THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC
The Product His Cold Feet: A Guide for the Woman Who Wants to Tie the Knot with the Guy Who Wants to Talk About It Later, by Andrea Passman Candell
The Pitch Many women are eagerly anticipating a Valentine's Day proposal. However, each year, for every excited bride-to-be there will be many disappointed ringless women. If the day comes and goes without a proposal, frustrated women can find practical advice and inspirational stories.
The Problem You know what guys find incredibly attractive? Desperate women who read books about why they're not married. So hot.
SEDUCTIVE SWEETS
The Product Oral Cowgirl Tantric Tablet: dark chocolate infused with cardamom and ginger
The Pitch Take your lovemaking to new heights and treat yourself and your partner to a little something more than some fine chocolate with our tantric tablet collection.
The Problem The wrapper features pictures of chocolate bars engaged in sex acts. About as appetizing as the thought of M&M's having an orgy.
CLOSEST SHAVE EVER?
The Product Braun Pulsonic
The Pitch The chance to let the men in their life know they've arrived with a gift that fits with the finer things in life. This Valentine's Day, upgrade his morning with the Braun Pulsonic.
The Problem If you really want to upgrade his morning, I'm sure he has a better suggestion.
FUN AND GAMES
The Product Erotic Massage Deck: 50 sensual techniques to get you in the mood
The Pitch The ultimate bedside companion for adventurous lovers. ... These 50 sensual techniques can be explored one at a time or combined for an evening of intimate passion.
The Problem Do these one at a time and you'll probably just fall asleep. That said, the deck of cards is probably a lot cheaper than getting a professional to perform card No. 17, the "sensual slide."
LOVE POTION
The Product Seductive Pearl Pomegranate Vodka
The Pitch No matter what your relationship status is, there is an ultra-premium Pearl Pomegranate Vodka martini to suit your passion personality.
The Problem None. Vodka is indeed the perfect gift for any occasion.
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