I'm hiking in Boynton Canyon near Sedona, Ariz., and the woman behind me is berating her husband for not telling her to wear hiking boots, speaking to him in a voice that hints at ongoing bitterness.
It's at this point that I realize the New Age theory that the canyon is devoid of male-female tension because of its "vortex" is in error. Either that or we haven't reached the vortex yet, the place where soothing energy is supposedly oozing out of the earth.
The day before, the owner of Sedona's Center for the New Age - one of those shops full of crystals, tarot cards, flute music and dreamy-eyed patrons - enlightened me on the various energy vortexes in the area.
"There are two types of energies coming from the rocks: magnetic [female] and electric [male]. Boynton Canyon has both," she said. "It's balanced, so you'll notice people there are calm. There's no male-female tension in Boynton Canyon."
Wow, I replied. Couples on the brink of divorce should hang out there.
"As for the other three vortex sites," the woman continued, "Cathedral Rock is magnetic and therefore feminine. The energy at Bell Rock is so powerful you'll notice it before getting out of your car. The Airport Vortex is masculine, so watch out - the strength of it might knock you over."
SHAMANS AND SKEPTICS
I first heard about Sedona from hippies at a remote campground south of the city where my husband, Rob, and I were staying.
But when April White Cloud tacked ads around town declaring her status as a master clairvoyant, psychic healer and shaman priestess, I didn't trust her, or the town's metaphysical claim to fame, for a minute.
Nor did I trust the man in the glossy photo with the grey ponytail, who claimed he would open the Third Eye, retrieve wandering souls and channel spirits for $200 a session.
When I read through Sedona: Journal of Emergence - which features stories such as The World Through My Dog's Sacred Vision, The Eleventh Chakra in the Fourth Dimension and, my favourite, Could It Be You're Already Dead? - I felt cold.
Still, I was curious about the vortexes. So I suggested to my husband that instead of ditching Sedona immediately, we go searching for energy sites.
The owner of the Center for the New Age had told me that the best way to feel the vortex energy was to go on a guided trek. Since guides are on a "higher level of spiritual consciousness," you have a more powerful experience - at a cost of about $250.
I figured Rob and I could find the vortexes on our own, and maybe eavesdrop on a guided tour, letting leftover sacred energy spill over onto us. And as I left the centre, a woman reassured us that the energy is so overwhelming a person would have to be abnormally insensitive not to feel anything.
'DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING?'
In the first half-hour of the eight-kilometre hike through Boynton Canyon, our first vortex site, we pass Enchantment Resort, which somewhat detracts from the nature experience as you walk by million-dollar guest houses.
Soon, however, we are hiking at the foot of crimson cliffs and eventually into a snowy pine forest. At first, we're among crowds of hikers on this popular trail. But the farther we go, the fewer hikers we encounter and the more we stop to chat.
Near the end of the trail, high up in a spectacular box canyon, we ask fellow hikers, "So, do you feel anything?"
"Yeah, my legs hurt," someone says.
"Yep, sure am thirsty," says another.
Nobody had found the vortex. Back at our van, however, a man emerges with a more detailed map - and we discover that Boynton Canyon's vortex is just 50 yards from the parking lot.
