Sarah Staples
Special to The Globe and Mail Published on Wednesday, Jun. 18, 2008 12:00AM EDT Last updated on Friday, Mar. 13, 2009 12:08PM EDT
It may be the perfect family vacation: Your children squeal with delight as they dive into clear blue water, your husband is paddling away in a canoe and you have a trashy novel in hand, which you don't look up from all day. Nope, not even once.
That's because down by the dock is your own personal Mary Poppins - a nanny to schlep all the diapers, apply all the sunscreen and mind every toddler's splash.
All of which sounds like a luxury reserved for the super-rich. Certainly deliverance from feedings and nap schedules costs - there's airfare, accommodation and hourly rates of $10 and up. But even families with less extravagant means - harried parents of multiples, power moms tethered to their BlackBerrys - are increasingly willing to splurge.
It isn't just about selfishly offloading the kids. With a caregiver to take over mundane duties, families can squeeze in more meaningful bonding time and can often take on more exotic destinations instead of sticking to resorts with leave-your-baby-here kiddie camps. There are even nannies who specialize in elderly adventurers should grandma need some assistance on a multi-generational trip.
The catch? Well, there can be nasty visa surprises, for starters. You could wind up playing nursemaid to an au pair who arrives hungover after a night of clubbing. And forget waltzing around the beach house in your underwear. As Sandy Morris, a Toronto mother who has taken her nanny to Georgian Bay, explains: "At the cottage, at night, after we'd finished with Elmo or Sesame Street, it was me, my husband and my nanny."
So how do you minimize the risk - and any number of awkward moments - when you take a family holiday with someone who is not family? The key, experts say, is up-front negotiation around salary and accommodations. And frank talks about situations where you will expect her help, as well as situations she will be excluded from.
That sort of honesty might have averted disaster for one Montreal mother of two who watched her babysitter morph from a sweet, bubbly 21-year-old to an irresponsible brat on a trip to Palm Desert, Calif., four years ago. Through airports and flights, the couple juggled bags and their toddler as the sitter stood by. At the resort, she demanded obscure foods and spent hours sunning herself and texting her friends.
In the end, the parents - who had hoped, at least, for a break in the evenings - did most of the caregiving. And the one private dinner they managed was ruined when they returned to find their son covered in vomit: The babysitter hadn't bothered to check on him. (They fired her as soon as they got home.)
On the flip side, some parents go overboard downloading responsibilities. Marjorie Mones, a nanny from the Philippines, says some of her friends work for families that leave their children in their care 24/7. "I hear some other nannies saying the only rest they get is to sleep at night."
Sheila Marcelo, the head of an online marketplace for nannies in the U.S. called Care.com, says parents have to remember that even if they pay the nanny's way to Bermuda, it's their holiday, not hers. "If they don't really have any free time," she says, "they're not really on vacation."
So how should you compensate your nanny? Along with free transportation, room and board, a nanny typically makes $10 to $15 an hour, plus negotiable evening and overnight pay. And some families go further. Andrea Himel, a Toronto lawyer and mother of two, has paid up to $130 a day for holiday help.
Still, courteous bargaining can drop the price significantly. For a mother who needed help on a flight to Halifax, Ginette Paré, an Ottawa-based nanny who specializes in short-term assignments and vacations, charged only for airfare and babysitting time. "I listened to [her] needs and said, 'Let's try to work things out,' " she says.
The etiquette around accommodations, meanwhile, can be somewhat more complex - especially if space is at a premium or family budgets are tight. While some parents can afford rooms or even condos for their nannies, others ask them to bunk with the kids. Marcelo points out that this can put not only nannies in an awkward position, but children as well: If your older son cringes whenever you drag him to the ladies' room at the mall, chances are he will resent sharing a room with your female nanny.
But a little creativity can help. When Lisa Swimmer, a nutritionist with Toronto Public Health, took her nanny to Florida last winter, there were only two bedrooms to house three adults and one toddler. So she moved her son's crib into one of the extra bathrooms and put his clothes on a shelf under the sink. This gave both her nanny and her son a private room: "It was sort of a win-win situation."
Small gestures of consideration can also carry your relationship with your nanny a long way. Marcelo suggests leaving a well-stocked fridge or allowing them to use room service if you're using their services at night. Himel bought her nanny a ticket for a bus tour on a recent trip to Montreal and tries to book hotels in pedestrian-friendly areas - where her nanny will have something to see during off hours or while strolling with the kids.
And speaking of the kids (yes, them), there are simple ways to make sure their care goes smoothly. Paré has clients fill out a detailed questionnaire about their children's needs before a trip so she will know to soothe a child who wakes up in the night with familiar songs or a favourite teddy bear. Marcelo also advises that even with long-term nannies, parents should run through as many holiday scenarios in advance as possible.
Mind you, nannies need to disclose a few things too. Foreign-born caregivers, for example, may need visas to travel abroad - and they can be denied one if there are prior violations. Heather Segal, an immigration lawyer with Guberman, Garson, Bush in Toronto, says she has seen families learn for the first time about their nannies' criminal or immigration offences. "It's a huge shock," she says. "They want to know, but they don't want to know."
Making sure your nanny has insurance coverage is also important. If injured, she could end up in a local hospital, or back in her country, or yours. And even a routine medical evacuation from the U.S. to a Canadian hospital can cost as much as $75,000. "The vacation can get much more expensive in a hurry if something happens to a nanny who isn't insured," says Chris Harvey of the travel insurance website Squaremouth.com.
By this point, of course, even parents who can afford a nanny might be rethinking that "perfect family vacation." Illness. Visa headaches. Tension over accommodation, free time, responsibilities. Can all the hassle possibly be worth it?
It certainly can be for the kids. Katherine Finn, a Montreal mother of four, acknowledges that you are in "close quarters" with your nanny on a holiday and you have to "click." But she says her nanny has become like a family member and having her along on vacations means her kids have reliable, familiar people and routines in their lives - wherever they are.
Sandy Morris says taking her nanny to the cottage also offered a glimpse of what she does not see when she is at work, when the nanny is alone with her child. "To observe the loving, caring way she looks at him and vice versa is gold, it's lovely," she says. "As a divorce lawyer, I'm jaded by virtue of my trade. You think maybe a person is putting that [affection] on. But over a week or two at the cottage, you can't put that on."
If proper ground rules are established, nannies can have a great time as well. Not long after being hired as a live-in nanny for a one-year-old, Marjorie Mones joined her employers on a week-long trip to Cuba. She helped on the plane, prepping bottles and food, and was on nap duty at the resort. But she also had lots of time to enjoy the beach. The trip, she says, "went beyond my expectations. It's work - with pleasure, with money."
And that fantasy for harried parents, the chance to enjoy a real break, from chores, from schlepping, can come true if you plan right. Without her nanny, Andrea Himel is convinced that family time away would be a change of scenery, not a vacation.
Then there's Gina Adams. The 49-year-old single mom, who works in public policy in Washington, D.C., took a university student to the beach last summer. She split the cost with another family to keep her expenses reasonable. And she says having a helper along meant she could do "only the fun stuff" with her four-year-old daughter - in between guilt-free moments of solo pleasure.
"[It was] the first time my daughter got to see me read a novel," she says. "I actually read something from beginning to end."
Mary Poppins primer
Bringing a nanny on vacation can give parents quality time with the kids, and some downtime on their own. Just follow these tips from the pros:
QUALIFICATIONS Always insist on written references and appropriate qualifications if you're hiring a nanny for one-off holiday care. Some other documents to consider: CPR certificates, copies of her driver's record, a CV and a police background check.
PAY Make sure you discuss
compensation before you go. Typical fees range from $10
to $15 an hour, plus airfare, room and board.
PERKS If your nanny is minding the kids at night, stock goodies in the minibar or allow for room service. Any overnight pay should be based on the children's ages and sleep habits.
ACCOMMODATION Be careful to arrange accommodations in advance. Some nannies don't mind sharing rooms with children, others do. Some kids also need privacy.
INSURANCE Insurance is a must. Some companies don't allow non-related travellers on the same policy, so make inquiries well in advance. And if your nanny is meeting you after you have arrived at your holiday destination, separate insurance is mandatory. (If she is flying solo with the children, she should share a policy with them.)
PAPERWORK If the nanny's task is to accompany children flying solo to meet relatives, make sure each child carries a valid passport. She will also need a letter explaining her purpose escorting children who are not her own.
VISAS Foreign-born nannies often need visas to enter or transit through vacation destinations. Post 9/11, it has become especially tricky to get the proper vacation visa from the U.S. - called
a B-1 - and your nanny may
need an interview with consular officials.
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