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“Mom, can I go to a co-ed sleepover at Anthony's house next Saturday night? Don't worry, there won't be any funny stuff, and his mother is going to be there most of the time. Please. Just this one time.”

“I'm sorry, Natasha. No.”

Probably the single toughest part of parenting a teenager is saying “no.”

The difficulty isn't in saying the initial “no.” That comes out pretty easily. But with a teenager, that answer is invariably the starting point for lengthy protests. Your “no” will never be followed by “Well, okay,” or “Gosh, I had wanted to, but that's life.”

Instead, what you get is more like: “But Mom, you don't understand. Erica and Janelle are going. I can't not go. I will look like a total loser. You don't understand, I have to go.”

These days, children aren't afraid of their parents – which is good – but they also aren't afraid of going on and on when they're not getting their way. (Who says today's kids are a bunch of quitters when the going gets tough?)

“But Mom, nothing's going to happen. These are good kids. You've said so yourself. It's not fair.”

“But Mom, you have to give me a good reason. You haven't given me a good reason.”

Over time they'll keep coming back. They're relentless.

“Mom, I have to talk to you.”

“If this is about Saturday night, we've been over this before, the answer is still no.”

“Omigod, Mom, you didn't listen to anything I said. Mom!”

They are also exceptionally skilled at bringing in other issues to break you down.

“Every other kid's parents I know would say ‘yes.' You don't get it. My life sucks because you never let me do anything I want. Never.”

But probably their number one weapon, and in the end the toughest one for parents to stand up to, is the sheer passion and energy that they can bring to bear in fighting a “no.”

“But why not? Why not? Omigod. Omigod. You are a crazy person. This is so unfair. You can't say no. You can't.”

So how can you be a tough parent and get them to respect your “no's?”

Here are some rules:

1) Your reasons will never convince a teenage child. They should be simple and brief. “I know that they are good kids, but I'm just not comfortable with co-ed sleepovers.”

2) You need to end the discussion early. Once you have truly decided that your “no” is firm, and have given your reason, you need to shut up. The more you try to answer all their objections, the more they will persist – and the more likely you are to get worn down. If they keep going even after you have ended, you need to physically exit, if possible.

3) Stay firm. When you really say “no,” it has to mean “no.” The only thing that has any real effect on their ultimate acceptance of “no” is the extent to which you have stood firm in the past. The more frequently they are able to wear you down, the more they will persist in the future. This means you may have to limit your “no's.” Too many and you may not have the time and energy to stand up for all of them. Wise parents learn to differentiate between the “no's” they really care about and those that they don't care about as much.

Children aren't bad for refusing to accept “no.” It's healthy to want to get your way. Being spoiled does not come from wanting – it comes from being too successful at bullying your parents into changing their minds. Further, lectures to impress upon a child that they are being bratty and selfish are rarely productive.

“Why can't you just accept a refusal one time? When are you going to understand that the world does not revolve around you and what you want?”

All this will accomplish is an upsurge in their fussing.

“I would understand it if you ever let me do anything, but you don't.”

Of course, you can't always know that you are right. There is no guarantee that any given “no” is fair or correct. This is one of the hard things about parenting. You have to make a lot of decisions without certainty. But you do have to make them, nonetheless.Clinical psychologist Anthony E. Wolf is the author of six parenting books, including Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager.