Got a relationship problem? Dealing with a tricky relationship problem? Just looking for an unbiased opinion?
Ms. Dey's column, Group Therapy, appears in Globe Life every Thursday. She's offered her words of wisdom on everything from a man who finds himself falling for a woman 20 years his junior , to a woman whose boyfriend won't stop talking to his ex , to a wife whose husband has no interest in sex .
Ms. Dey was online earlier to help you solve your love dilemmas.
Your questions and Ms. Dey's answers will appear at the bottom of this page.
When she was born, Ms. Dey was declared a soothsayer and a bartendress of the soul. Much of her childhood was spent keeping other people's secrets and when in need, building them life rafts out of advice. Older now, she aspires to be a northern Ann Landers — sans pearls, avec cigar.
Ms. Dey writes plays in her spare time. Her works, Beaver, The Gwendolyn Poems, and Trout Stanley, have been anthologized, translated into French and German, staged across Canada, and once in the former Communist headquarters of New York City. They have been nominated for the Governor General's Award, the Trillium Award and the Dora Award for Outstanding New Play.
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HM, Toronto: A female friend of mine hooked up with a male friend of mine recently. Since I'm friends with both of them, I happen to know he's way more into her than she is into him. I want to stay out of it out of loyalty to both but I also feel like maybe I should warn my male friend. He's totally smitten and I think that eventually she'll reject him. I can see it coming even though he can't. What should I do?
Claudia Dey: Dear HM,
Do not meddle. I repeat, do not meddle.
If you must, keep your distance. Start knitting. An afghan. Queen size. This will keep you home and busy.
While it can be murderous to watch a dear friend fall headlong into disaster, this is a trip that he alone must make - without your commentary or intrusion. If you plant doubt in his mind now, you will tamper with a situation that is still evolving. While you think you can see the end, HM, no one can. Tea leaves, tarot cards, love, we are all just giving our best guess.
Let us for a moment imagine the opposite; your girlfriend has a change of heart and suddenly meets his affections. This is a possibility -- at least until proven otherwise. So while you stitch that afghan, turn your thoughts towards this hope-filled scenario and away from doomsday. Picture the fans of a losing team telling the players to drop their sticks because they are destined for failure -- when what they really need is a rally cry.
AC, Toronto:My boyfriend and I just passed our two-year anniversary. We're happy, things are fine, but I'm beginning to miss that first spark of a new relationship. Through Facebook, I reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school and we've been flirting via messages. I know I'm probably doing the wrong thing by flirting back and sometimes initiating the flirting. But, it makes me feel good! I love my boyfriend, but how do I tell him I'm getting bored?
