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It was only a matter of time before writer and early childhood educator Brett Berk turned the abundant fodder around him into a book. There was the friend who hadn't been out alone since the birth of her three-year-old son. A couple who turned their master suite over to their daughter and her mass of toys. And don't get him started on the parents who insisted to him their child's feces didn't stink. "Say it with me," he writes. "My house reeks of poo. Would you like me to light this pine-scented candle?"

The result is The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting: Candid Counsel from the Depths of the Daycare Trenches. While Mr. Berk, 39, is not a parent himself, he gleaned his techniques from years running a New York preschool and from being a doting uncle to 13 "biological or otherwise" nieces and nephews. Mr. Berk spoke to us by phone at his home in upstate New York, which he shares with his boyfriend of 18 years.

We live in a particularly mockable parenting era, with everything from trendy attachment parenting and scheduled play dates to sleep "programs." How did we get here?

Some of it has to do with a generational shift over the past 50 years, from children should be seen and not heard, to a tyrannical method, to our parents' hands-off parenting. And now we're in this all-in, Texas Hold'em-style of parenting. Whenever you're doing something as a reaction, you're taking a more extreme position than you might take if you analyzed the situation. There's also this idea that we're the first generation that never grew up. Kids are often parented without an idea of limits or prescription or expectation. Because we're grown-up kids, we treat kids as grown-up kids. We're all 8.

How did you balance poking fun with being vicious in the book?

This is a balancing act I walk not altogether too effectively throughout my life. When I read from the book, sometimes I think, "That was a little rough." But it takes a bit of force to pop people out of what I call the "parenting bubble."

The parenting bubble is one of the organizing principles of the book. What do you mean by it?

A parenting bubble is a perspective-less place parents get into when they have a kid and they're surrounded by people with kids. They get motivated by fear and emotion, and they lose a sense of rationality. It's a group-think mentality where people lose the ability to bring in new thoughts about how to resolve situations. People tend to reinforce their concerns: You need to have the ultra-organic laundry detergent or to not let your kid drink out of a plastic bottle. People lose the bigger picture, which is how to talk to kids in a way that makes sense to them, how to make realistic expectations, how to deal with food.

Speaking of food, what's with all these kids who can only eat plain pasta?

I see it all the time: kids only eating from the white and off-white colour family. If we were given the choice, some of us might also eat that, too. It tastes good. Is that a balanced diet? No. Is it your kids' responsibility to figure out what a balanced meal is? No. That's your job.

Parents can get so exasperated by these struggles. Have any told you to back off?

The first reaction people often have is, "You're not a parent; you don't know what it's really like." To which I have a number of answers. One is I have dealt with tens of thousands of young kids and families - whereas most parents have dealt with two, maybe, or three - on an intimate level, from getting green snot out of their nose to wiping their butts and taking the city bus to the Empire State Building in groups of 30.

You have a chapter on parenting paraphernalia. You reserve special ire for the baby wipes warmer. Your Gay Uncle substitution for that is "lobotomy."

The idea that if something at room temperature touches your child's skin ... I think there needs to be a limit. Then there's the bath thermometer. If you're not sure if the bath is too hot, stick your finger in it. On my website, I have a picture of a baby feed bag, a mesh bag you put food into that children can suck on but not swallow - for parents who don't know what size of food pieces their kids can eat without choking. It's disgusting.

You suggest that a smarter thing parents can do with their money is hire a babysitter and get out of the house. You even use the term Stockholm syndrome.

To do any job optimally, you need to get out of that world. That's why schools have vacations. Kids need to be exposed to the idea that you won't do everything for them their entire life. You can hire a babysitter.

*****

Straight-up advice

UNCLEAR STRATEGY: FOOD

"Eat half your potato, three bites of spinach and two chicken fingers, and then you can have a third of a Snickers bar."

WHY IT SUCKS

This sounds like nonsense to a child; food should not be used as a reward; dessert is a treat, not an entitlement.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Provide simple reasoning; be confident - you're in charge.

REPEAT AFTER ME

"Eat until you feel full."

"We only have desserts on Friday and Saturday, and then only if you finish your dinner."

UNCLEAR STRATEGY: BEDTIME

"If you don't get ready for bed right now, I'm going to send you to live with your evil uncle."

WHY IT SUCKS

If you can't follow through on threats, your word becomes meaningless. Your word is core to communicating with your child.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Any threats should focus directly on the situation at hand.

REPEAT AFTER ME

"It's bedtime. If you don't get ready right now, we won't have time to read a story before bed."

UNCLEAR STRATEGY: PLANS

"We're going to the doctor's office now, okay?"

WHY IT SUCKS

What if they say no? Then what?

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

You don't have to clear every decision with your child.

REPEAT AFTER ME

"We're going to the doctor's office in an hour. I'll give you a 10-minute warning so you'll know when to start getting ready."

Adapted from The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting