When former NHL prospect Graeme Bonar talks to young athletes, they usually want to know what former teammate Guy Lafleur is like, or how it felt to be drafted by the Montreal Canadiens at age 18.
But the 42-year-old addictions counsellor is not there to talk about his glory days; he wants them to know what happened off the ice when, at 21, an ankle injury ended his career and his life as an addict began.
"You aren't prepared," he said of the abrupt end to his dream. "When the curtain falls, it's a tough thing to deal with."
Tonight in Toronto, Mr. Bonar will receive a 2008 CAMH Transforming Lives Award, given to men and women who have overcome challenges of addiction and mental health.
The Port Credit, Ont., resident has been sober for 12 years, after spending his 20s in a haze of painkillers, alcohol and cocaine. He now works at a substance abuse treatment centre and travels throughout Ontario and New York State promoting addiction awareness to minor-league athletes.
Mr. Bonar says young players must be taught to resist the lure of drugs and alcohol, not just while they are playing their chosen sport, but once the game is over, when life without the glory can seem hard to bear.
"I think there should have been more support, because there was none," he said. "There's not enough education, there's not enough help, no matter when you stop playing."
Peter Selby, clinical director of the addictions program at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, said that professional disappointments can often set people on the path to addiction, and agrees that young people must be given more guidance when entering the world of competitive sports. Parents must make it clear that there is life beyond competition, and ensure that children maintain strong relationships outside of sports so they retain a support network if they are hurt.
"When you're dealing with a young person, who hasn't developed neurologically, you're sitting on a perfect storm should something negative happen," he said. "The real balance is how do you get them to be high-achieving but still realistic?"
Mr. Bonar started playing hockey at age 4 at the encouragement of his dad, and soon dreamed of holding the Stanley Cup above his head. By the time he was 13, he was getting phone calls from the Toronto Marlies, a team in the American Hockey League, inviting him to skate at their practices.
"It was very overwhelming at the time," he said. "A lot of exposure came very early."
He moved away from home at 15 to play junior hockey in Sault Ste. Marie, and never considered what he would do with his life if he was injured until an opposing player landed on him during an exhibition game with the Canadiens and he heard his Achilles tendon snap.
"They had to cut my skate off," he said. "I don't have a word for how much it hurt."
He was told that he would never play again, and after several failed attempts to continue his career with the aid of painkillers and cortisone injections, he was forced to acknowledge that a hockey player cannot skate on one leg.
"At the time, I just wasn't ready for life after hockey," he said. "I think it's something a lot of athletes struggle with, not just ones who had careers ended early."
Mr. Bonar was terrified about his future, and used his fear and self-pity to justify his new lifestyle, one based on an increasingly heavy reliance on drugs and booze.
"I was looking for any bit of instant gratification to fill the void," he said. "And once you start that as a lifestyle, the dominoes fall pretty fast."
He blew through the money from his hockey buyout one four-day bender at a time, and didn't get sober until he became convinced he was going to die.
At first, he tried To get clean on his own. But after nearly 10 years as an addict, Mr. Bonar realized he needed professional help and began attending AA meetings and consulting addictions counsellors.
Once on track to recovery, Mr. Bonar started volunteering at addictions centres and soon went back to school to become an addictions counsellor.
Having lost a decade of his life to self-doubt and self-destruction, he encourages young athletes to prepare themselves for life after their sport, whether it comes in the form of failure, injury or retirement.
"You have to get honest with yourself right away," he said.
But Mr. Bonar said he is still struggling to come to terms with his own past.
A co-worker offered to nominate him for a CAMH award last year, but he said no, worried about news of his addiction getting back to NHL players.
"I just didn't want it out there, I guess," he said. "I know some people are going to pass judgment, but I think it's now at a time in my life when I'm comfortable with it."
