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On the first anniversary of Madeleine McCann's disappearance last week, I paid a visit to the official Find Madeleine website, where I read statements by her doctor parents, Kate and Gerry McCann, and clicked on the Madeleine Online Store, where you can buy a "Look for Madeleine" yellow wristband or a "Don't You Forget About Me" T-shirt with the now familiar image of the adorable blond little British girl.

We all know the facts in what a spokesman for the incredibly well-organized McCann family has called the "biggest human-interest story ever": Madeleine disappeared from a vacation villa in an Algarve resort in Portugal last May, days before her fourth birthday, while her parents were famously off having dinner with friends, "not 50 yards away," Mr. McCann said in a recent documentary.

For leaving Madeleine and her two younger siblings alone while they partied, albeit periodically checking on them, the McCanns were pilloried worldwide, becoming a poster couple for "bad parents."

That was only the start: They were then named as suspects by the Portuguese police, but there has been no evidence to support this. The McCanns recently won a settlement from a British newspaper group for suggesting they were implicated in their daughter's death.

And so, although the online chatter suggests there are thousands out there convinced that the McCanns "did it," the couple have morphed from victims to villains and back to victims again.

And what about us? How have we morphed through this story that made us all so queasy?

First there was fear - how could this happen to a "nice" family on vacation? Then frustration - why haven't the police made any progress? Then suspicion - these parents, were they behaving oddly? And finally outrage - how could two doctors, supposedly well-meaning parents, leave their babies unattended?

I went outside and measured "not 50 yards" and figured it was probably to my neighbour's house at the corner, which, if you left young children alone without a walkie-talkie to hear them, might as well have been halfway across town.

The McCanns have said they will "forever regret" their decision. "I think the worst thing is we kind of almost thought about not going - and ... did," Mr. McCann said in an interview on British TV.

Still, I'm not sure that decision merited worldwide opprobrium, compounding their grief and guilt. According to one news story, they received one card that read, "Your brat is dead because of your drunken arrogance. ... Shame on you. I curse you and your family to suffer forever."

But we should beware being hypocrites on the subject. Every parent, surely, has a near-miss story, when inattention or a bad decision - often made for selfish reasons - could have led to their child's death.

One of mine was during the supper hour, when, as the frazzled mother of a one-year-old and a three-year-old, I reasoned that the little one could remain on the third floor with her brother watching television, while I went down, blessedly unhampered, to cook dinner. In an open-concept house, I figured I would hear any trouble.

After a few minutes, I called up to ask my son how his sister was doing, but got no answer. I took the stairs two at a time, my heart rate escalating. I found my son still engrossed in the TV, but his sister had crawled off into a bedroom, where she was sitting upright with the cord from a window blind wrapped tightly around her neck, pulling away from it. "No," I thought, a one-word instant horror story.

I scooped her up and took her back downstairs to safety. And so there was no news story about a child strangling, no observers to ask, "But where was the mother?" No tragedy to wreck our family.

I think of this not when I hear about extreme neglect, but when a mother dashes into a store leaving her child in the car, and tragedy ensues. Or a child drowns in a family swimming pool.

This is part of what we muddle through as parents - the close calls, the near tragedies. I've heard countless stories from friends - the scare, the guilt, the what-ifs. Or worse - "I did it once and nothing happened, so I'll do it again."

I hope the McCann tale, whatever the true story, straightened out parents tempted to pop out even for a few moments while the kids are in bed.

The exhausting truth about young children is that you can't take your eyes off them while they are up, or withdraw a vigilant presence even while they are soundly sleeping.

That's why parenthood is so satisfying. You get to keep someone you love alive, making sacrifices small and large to do so. You help bring them to the point - always debatable - when they are at last responsible for their own safety. And then, of course, a whole other level of gruesome possibilities looms.

The McCanns have said this anniversary is their "last chance" to focus public attention on Madeleine. To spur people on to keep looking for her. They have seen the Pope, visited Washington, made friends around the world.

The other day I saw a perfect blond little girl with a floppy sunhat sitting in a café with her mother, having lunch. They seemed so happy together.

jtimson@globeandmail.com