TRALEE PEARCE
From Tuesday's Globe and Mail Published on Monday, Jul. 07, 2008 8:57PM EDT Last updated on Tuesday, Mar. 31, 2009 8:12PM EDT
Last week Caitlyn Fraser's parents drove all night from Sudbury to Toronto in the pouring rain for her.
It wasn't a medical emergency – it was to devote a weekend to the 15-year-old's favourite band, the Jonas Brothers.
First, there was snagging a spot in a lineup for a MuchMusic interview Thursday afternoon. Then, dropping her off at the concert the next night.
“My daughter loves this band,” said her mother, Michelle Fraser, 44, getting up from a lawn chair she had parked in front of a hair salon on Queen Street West in a line that stretched almost completely around the block.
It's one of modern parenting's newer assignments. Whether it's 24 hours – or three days – of their time spent in line on a sizzling sidewalk or going on stalk-watch outside the Four Seasons, today's parents are willing to move heaven and earth to feed their kids' pop culture appetites.
But as Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers each take their turn at the top of the heap, are parents helping their kids live their tween dreams – or just enabling unhealthy fanaticism?
Standing in line with kids for a pop show is an increasingly popular compromise because it allows parents to say yes to their children and still keep an eye on them, said parenting expert Diane Wolf, a communications professor at Ontario's Trent University.
But she said whether parents are in line or not, they should watch for obsessive celebrity worship.
A celebrity crush is normal, Prof. Wolf said, but when it starts to interfere with real-life relationships, spending and identity, then the obsession has gone too far.
If a child has friends, does well in school and has outside interests, spending $200 a year for a concert isn't a concern. If they're spending all their time on Facebook trying to find a way to meet their idol, it's time for a talk.
“Our role as parents is to look at the whole and set limits,” she said.
Hardip Samra, 38, from Burlington, Ont., said she weighs these matters. In addition to taking two days off work to escort her kids to the Jonas Brothers' events MuchMusic event Thursday and the concert on Friday, she has allowed her eldest to head downtown for MuchMusic broadcasts events without her in the wee hours of the night.
While Gagan, 17, does profess to wanting to marry all of the Jonas Brothers, “she's got a good head on her shoulders,” Ms. Samra said.
What's more, Ms. Samra said it's an opportunity to give her kids a chance she never had growing up in a conservative family. “We had no freedom like this,” she said.
Ms. Samra found common ground with a fellow mom, Rania Kallinteris, 38, who had driven from Belleville, Ont.
Together, the pair minded a gaggle of six of their children and a family friend, as well as lending a hand to neighbouring kids when the time came to rush off screaming in the hopes of getting a glimpse of the boys.
For those parents who are worried their kid's interest in a celebrity is unbalanced, outright bans or belittling comments will backfire.
Sympathizing and sharing stories of your own teenage crushes is a better tack, Prof. Wolf said. She also recommends getting familiar with the object of your teen's desire and discussing anything you find objectionable.
Ms. Fraser is pleased that her daughter is aligning herself with a group that promotes virginity until marriage. “There's so much worse she could be listening to,” she said.
Even if that is true, Tim Blackmore, a professor of media studies at the University of Western Ontario, said the conversation shouldn't stop there. And not just because today's wholesome choice can quickly become the next Britney Spears train wreck.
While Prof. Blackmore said he has yet to see too much worth exploring in the Jonas Brothers, he said music, film and TV are jumping off points for discussions about politics, the nature of love and other big themes.
But, he said, parents have to bring some culture to the table, too.
“You have to have something more to come in with than People magazine.”
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