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Ever in search of perfection at these smog-smacked Olympics, the Chinese government has given out a how-to-behave handbook to its citizenry, helping them be perfect hosts to guests from all over the world.

No spitting on the sidewalks. Easy on the garlic. Don't ask strangers how old they are or how much money they make.

I thought I would return the favour and put together a little handbook for Games viewers, helping couch potatoes everywhere achieve medal-worthy performances in a very challenging event: Olympics-watching with a clear conscience.

For if, as F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still function, then these Olympics constitute the perfect test.

They are indeed dazzling to behold, starting with the opening ceremonies. (How cool was that human typesetting sequence, not to mention the flying torch carrier?)

But they are burdened by a host country with a wretched human rights record and the secrecy and strong-arm tactics of a totalitarian state.

For some of us, enjoying these Olympics constitutes a moral predicament - like being handed a glittering diamond by a man you know is Big Trouble.

So how do you get beyond the bad stuff in order to enjoy the good stuff - the pursuit of excellence by gorgeous, young, impossibly fit athletes, the heart-swelling sounds of the national anthems, the thrill of record-breaking performances?

First of all, you don't "get beyond" the bad stuff. So my No. 1 tip is: Acknowledge the problem.

The CBC, led by Peter Mansbridge, did this all last week in a lead-up to the Olympics, pumping up the excitement about the event, but at the same time airing well-reported pieces on China's internal problems - most notably the legacy of the Tiananmen Square massacre, the wrenching indifference in China to its female babies and the return of heavy-handed surveillance tactics in order to make the Games look good and the dissidents disappear. Just paying attention to those television pieces eased my conscience somewhat.

But that's not enough. So tip No. 2: Make your voice heard. (Why leave it to George W. Bush to lecture the Chinese? That's even more daunting a test of Mr. Fitzgerald's theory of intelligence.)

So yes, rave on about the best swimming facilities ever, but then make a donation, perhaps to Amnesty International, which has opened a special Olympics debate Web page. Several Canadian politicians, including former Liberal minister of justice Irwin Cotler, are also promoting protest and debate.

I know what you're thinking: I'm sitting there with my chips and salsa, engrossed in Adam van Koeverden's ripples and then I'm going to get up and go over to the computer and write an angst-filled protest e-mail during the commercial break?

Why not? It's also exercise.

But just make sure you're measured in your righteousness.

Tip No. 3: Easy on the hypocrisy. You know those blood pressure cuffs you wear at home to figure out whether you have hypertension? There should be a hypocrisy cuff that swells and cuts off circulation in your arm if you're blathering on about China's human rights violations without acknowledging that North America (hello Guantanamo Bay) may have a few things to answer for as well.

I mean, it was recently revealed that the RCMP even spied on singer Rita MacNeil because she was a feminist activist and possible communist infiltrator. And a country that stood by while one of its citizens, Maher Arar, was illicitly spirited off by the United States to be tortured in Syria needs to be humble about its objections to another country's human rights lapses.

That said, China is clearly in a class by itself. So, tip No. 4: Get curious. There is no better time than now to learn more about China, with thousands of journalists prowling about, bloggers bloviating, and the Chinese government torn between wanting to tout the stunning architecture, infrastructure and economic progress of the "new" China and, of course, wanting to hide some of its bad old history.

Case in point: At least for the duration of the Games, apparently the Chinese "newthink" is up with Confucius and down with Mao. Which leads me to Tip No. 5: Be knowledgeable. Dropping little tidbits ("China is a 5,000-year-old dynasty) into the conversation will add a certain texture to your Olympic viewing. Until someone begins pelting you with chip dip.

So go ahead, enjoy the Olympics, but keep morally fit: Stretch your conscience, make sure your awareness of human rights is ready for endurance training and always be ready to exercise your opinions.

Oh, and just as in the Chinese handbook, don't even think about spitting on the sidewalk.