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Delta, B.C., resident Lee Fraser shed a few tears when she packed her son Jeff off to university in Wichita, Kan., two weeks ago.

Once they said goodbye, however, the mother of three was ready to get on with her routine - not like three years ago, when he first left home.

The grief of letting him go had been overwhelming, but she had expected that. What surprised her was how her son's departure affected her marriage of nearly 25 years.

"Our relationship suffered when Jeff first went away to school," Ms. Fraser said. With one less child in the house, "the whole dynamic changes."

While she was consumed with sadness, her husband, Cal Hutton, seemed fine, she said.

"You sort of assume that you're both on the same page when your kids are going away and then all of a sudden you're not. It was kind of a shocker," she said.

For a while, Ms. Fraser said, she and her husband argued more; she felt angry and resentful that they didn't feel the same way.

Over time, the couple learned to enjoy each other's company again. While some couples rejoice at the prospect of spending more time alone, many experience tension or awkwardness when a child leaves home for school. As their households shrink, they are forced to confront issues in their relationships that they may have previously avoided or not noticed.

Without their children around to act as buffers, couples suddenly find themselves grappling with a host of questions, Vancouver psychotherapist Ellen Abrams says. "What's happening with their sex life? What's happening with their romance? Do they have anything to say to each other? Is there anything they enjoy doing together that doesn't focus on their kids?"

And often, she said, couples who have stayed together for their children's sake may find their relationships at a breaking point.

But even those who feel secure in their relationships tend to struggle through an uneasy adjustment period after they've sent their children off, said Natalie Caine, founder of the Los Angeles-based Empty Nest Support Services.

Through her online forum and support groups for parents, Ms. Caine has encountered all kinds of relationship scenarios triggered by the departure of a child.

Some parents find they resent their spouses, either because they feel they missed out on time with their children or because they've had to compete with their children for attention, she said. Others become unhappy when they think their spouses don't miss their children as much as they do.

Tensions also arise when one parent, usually the mother, wants to repeatedly talk about her grief, while the father just wants time to deal with the transition alone, she said.

"Mostly I hear, 'Who is that man sitting across the kitchen table from me? I don't know him any more,' " Ms. Caine said.

She said she also had to get used to living alone with her husband when her daughter left for college more than five years ago.

"Coming back to that empty house with just the two of us, it was awkward," Ms. Caine said, adding that she and her husband got through it by making a point of spending time together and communicating with each other.

They've learned to appreciate the upside of a child-free home. But some couples find the absence of all that hustle and bustle leaves a noticeable void. Tammy Lavallee, a mother of three in North Delta, B.C., said she and Wes, her husband of nearly 25 years, lost an entire social network when their first son, Brent, left home for university in Louisiana four years ago.

Suddenly, they weren't attending his baseball games or high school functions any more, she said. And family meals just weren't the same.

"Being our oldest son, he always kept us together at the dinner table more," she said.

Now, she added, "I find my husband quieter. He doesn't talk as much. Before the oldest son left, he was more of a chatterer."

This September, the couple are seeing their second son, Millan, off to Thompson Rivers University in Kamloops, B.C.

But this time, Ms. Lavallee said, she's better prepared to return to a smaller household. She and her husband have taken to throwing frequent dinner parties to maintain their relationships with friends, and they've also picked up their own diversions. He coaches hockey in his spare time, and she volunteers regularly at a local soup kitchen.

Ms. Lavallee is planning to devote more of her attention to her youngest, 15-year-old son, Reed, over the next few years.

And although she said she and her husband haven't grown closer since their home began emptying, she is optimistic that they will when Reed eventually leaves home.

"It'll return us back to the days when used to do everything together," she said. "It'll be great. I'm looking forward to it."

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Rekindle the romance

Natalie Caine, founder of Empty Nest Support Services, offers these tips to rekindle a relationship after a child leaves home:

Spend time together. Introduce games nights, go out on dates and if you can afford it, travel. It may sound obvious, but doing activities together gives couples a chance to reconnect and share something.

That said, give yourself permission to leave a situation. Warn your spouse beforehand if there is a chance you may bail out because of a sudden attack of the blues. It's the unexpected that leads to arguments.

Indulge a little and buy yourself something you want.

Look through old photo albums. Remind yourselves of the activities you used to find fun.

Turn to your friends if you prefer to talk through your worries and your spouse would rather grieve in silence.

Keep a joint journal. If you don't like talking about your emotions, write them down and leave it out on the kitchen table for your spouse to read.

Look on the bright side. Together, you've launched your child off into the world. Now you can relax and pat each other on the back.

Wency Leung