CORI HOWARD
VANCOUVER — From Tuesday's Globe and Mail Published on Tuesday, Sep. 16, 2008 8:42AM EDT Last updated on Tuesday, Mar. 31, 2009 8:43PM EDT
On a sunny, summer afternoon in a corporate boardroom at the top of a downtown high rise, seven kids are seated around the table in black leather chairs learning manners.
Instructor Susan Matheson, dressed in a crisp, white suit jacket, shows them a photo of a dinner setting at the Governor-General's home.
"What's the silver plate on the bottom?" she asks.
"You just put all your bones on that," says one of the children, a 10-year-old boy in a dress shirt and khakis.
"Well," says Ms. Matheson, "it's not exactly a platter for bones. It's a charger."
She goes on to explain that champagne is also called bubbly, and demonstrates the lost art of eating soup, with the spoon scooping away from you to catch the drips, and without leaning over the bowl.
Who knew 9- to 13-year-olds were interested in, or in fact needed to know, how to properly fold a napkin on their lap, or eat bacon with a fork or make interesting dinner conversation? But, clearly, Ms. Matheson is on to something. Her three-day etiquette camp seems to have struck a chord with parents who believe that good manners and proper etiquette will help their children succeed in our competitive culture.
It's not boot camp for the badly behaved.
It is, rather, aimed at young kids whose parents want them to shine at that private-school interview or at fancy restaurants with mom and dad's friends or employers.
"A lot of the parents entertain a lot and want their kids well-behaved," says Ms. Matheson. "They want them to make a good impression for their family. And with so many working moms and dads, there's just not enough time to address this kind of stuff at home. They don't want the little time they do have with their kids at home to be conflict-ridden and full of lecturing, so these classes are a perfect chance to teach and reinforce these skills."
Ms. Matheson's company, The Image Builders (http://www.theimagebuilders.ca), works predominantly with corporations and businesses, but after several requests for something for kids, Ms. Matheson started offering etiquette camps this summer. She's held two sessions so far, and plans to hold another just before the holiday season in December. At $160 for three afternoon sessions, many parents feel it's not a bad deal.
Back in the boardroom, the kids are about to take a break from their lesson in how to butter bread and the dos and don'ts of doggy bags when a girl in a black T-shirt blurts out: "What's the point of all these utensils? Why don't you just use one? It's a waste of water to wash so many."
Ms. Matheson replies, upbeat and patient: "It's a tradition and a sign of opulence. What do all these utensils do? They all have a different purpose."
While the kids get chips and juice boxes, the questioner, Hallie Woo, 13, explains she came to etiquette camp because she's "not too good at fancy restaurants." She says she has "issues with etiquette," and when asked to elaborate, offers that "sometimes I say stuff I don't mean and I come across as aggressive, but I'm really just tired and I don't want to talk."
"I didn't really want to come to etiquette camp," she adds. "But I have learned quite a bit." Hallie says she's learned to be more careful with her behaviour because of how easily people in other countries can be offended if you don't understand their culture. For some Asian families, one of the appealing elements of the class is having their children learn what is culturally appropriate in Canada, such as learning to make eye contact, and the proper way to eat without chopsticks.
Although Hallie was born in Canada, she needed to learn proper dining etiquette. She says that was the other big lesson of the week. She holds her hands up, making the letters D and B, indicating she now knows which side of a formal dinner place setting is for drinks and which is for the bread plate.
The learning curve for 9-year-old Liam Kenny has been a bit different. He says he came to etiquette camp because his dad wanted him to improve his manners.
"I learned how to set the table better, and how not to be shy," he says. "When my mom's friend's come over, it makes me uncomfortable. I feel grumpy and they pinch my cheeks. Now, I know I should shake their hands and then I can go stand beside my parents. I used to just run upstairs."
Clearly, he's taken a lot from his experience. The day after the lesson in thank-you notes, he arrived with a note for Ms. Matheson and instructor Denisa Nica. "Thank you for showing me how to be polite," it reads. His mother said he did it all on his own.
And lest you pity poor Liam, sitting indoors while his buddies were out in the sun playing soccer or swimming, etiquette camp was only one of a number of activities in the boy's long summer day.
"My husband and I thought we should send him because these are social skills he needs," says Linda Fong Kenny, Liam's mother. "They allow him to talk to people and be comfortable in any environment. I think it makes him a better person and teaches him respect for others."
It turns out little Liam has learned more than respect. According to his mom, he came home after the first day and talked to her about helping out at home. "He made his bed the next day," Ms. Fong Kenny says. "And I thought, 'Who is this kid?' "
But they are just kids, after all. By the end of the afternoon on the last day of camp, they are antsy. Some are doodling, others popping holes in their juice boxes with their pens. They may have learned how to use a fingerbowl, how to listen to an iPod while appearing interested in the conversation, and how to text a best friend at dinner without being rude, but they still know how to throw candy across the table at their friends. Camp is over.
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