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While penning invitations for their silver wedding anniversary party, Alice Mills and Dan Black were wary about what to call it.

It didn't feel right to boast in bold type that they had made it to their 25-year milestone - especially with a handful of divorcés on the guest list.

And their initial plan to renew their wedding vows at the mid-August backyard party felt ostentatious.

"I was wondering if people might feel bad after going through a divorce. I mean, here we were having this big celebration of longevity," Ms. Mills says.

The Merrickville, Ont., couple decided to play it safe on the cream-coloured invitations, calling the 60-guest barbecue simply "A Celebration of Love." Only a subtitle in small lettering whispered the marital milestone, which fewer couples now reach. They also opted to save their vows for a later date, in favour of a quieter setting.

Findings from the 2006 census illustrate the slow and painful death of marriage in Canada. Now, approximately 40 per cent of Canadian marriages end in divorce and the broken marriage rate marches ever upward. The trend prevails across the continent - a New York Times report last fall said half of Americans who might have celebrated their 25th anniversaries since the year 2000 were divorced, separated or widowed before reaching that point.

Edmonton party planner John Hohol has noted an anecdotal drop in anniversary party requests.

While the owner of the Event Coordinators says he is "up to you-know-where" with wedding receptions, he hasn't thrown as many silver anniversary bashes lately. "I remember it was common having a 50th, 60th and definitely 25th," he says. "Nowadays, there haven't been as many wedding anniversary parties."

So how does a happily-ever-after couple mark their milestone in the era of divorce?

No matter how you spin it, experts say, divorced friends may feel a slight kick in the gut, depending on how fresh their split is.

"It does bring up mixed feelings," says Carolyn Ellis, a Toronto-based divorce coach. "On the one hand you have this feeling, 'Oh, I'm so happy for them and I want to be there for them.' [But] it's a very natural second step to say, 'Man, how come my life isn't looking like that?' "

Still, Ms. Ellis says, couples shouldn't axe their party plans or agonize over how their newly single friends may feel when an anniversary party invitation lands in their mailbox.

"If a divorced person senses you're tiptoeing around the fact that they're divorced in order to try to make them feel comfortable, that could kind of backfire," she says.

Ms. Mills and Mr. Black are also planning a more intimate celebration of their 25 years together: a romantic trip to Italy in November. After nixing the wedding vows at their anniversary party, they still plan to renew them at their local church later this fall.

"I think there's a right place and a right time for that, instead of grandstanding," Mr. Black says. "That's not what we wanted to do."

But other couples are throwing more bombastic affairs to celebrate bucking the trend toward failed marriages.

Toronto wedding planner Rose Tenuta was recently hired to throw a 25th-anniversary party for 25 guests on a $25,000 budget. "The party favours were jewellery and it was just really, really lavish," she said. Sometimes the fete will resemble a wedding itself, especially if there's a renewal of vows.

If any couples are anxious about celebrating their milestone among the many divorcés, they haven't caused a drop in her business. Ms. Tenuta says she's seen a recent increase in wedding anniversary parties. She now throws about 15 to 20 a year.

"I think, if anything, the events are getting bigger with the divorce rates going up, because people are saying, 'Oh, hey we did it - we got to 30 years or 40 years,' " she says.

Some boomer couples are opting to lie low or slip away on a quiet holiday when a milestone anniversary rolls around, avoiding the social stress of parties altogether.

That's the plan for Louise Ménard and her husband Doug Hatch, who will celebrate their 25th anniversary next May. Never mind anxieties about divorced friends - the Toronto couple still has a house full of kids since they waited until their 30s to have children, she says, making it a hassle to throw a get-together.

"We'll try to get away if we can wing it, have someone take care of the kids," says the 51-year-old mother of four. "I just want to be alone with my husband."

While Ms. Mills and Mr. Black were concerned about how their divorced guests might feel, they say the formerly married party guests took it in stride.

"Most people were very supportive and thought that it was great that we somehow figured out the formula to keep it going," Ms. Mills says. Some of them even joked about their own failed marriages, she says, quipping, " 'Wow that's great you did it, we all suck' "