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Vince, you deserve an apology.

In the December issue of Vogue magazine, Jennifer Aniston refers to you, Mr. Vaughn, as her "defibrillator."

She wasn't trying to be mean, of course. It was a backhanded compliment. She went on to say that you - her co-star in The Break-Up and, most notably, her first boyfriend A.B. (After Brad) - "literally brought me back to life. ... He was lovely and fun and perfect for the time we had together."

But come on, who wants to be a defibrillator? And only perfect for a time?

Let me speak for the Freshly Exed: You, Mr. Vaughn, and others - male and female - who have heroically restarted hearts across the country, are the Transitional Lovers, the unsung heroes of divorce. And on behalf of the Jennifer Anistons of the world, who move on from your valiant efforts, hearts beating, but not for you - well, we're sorry.

You're a brave bunch. Many men and women are far more cautious with their romantic endeavours. Or maybe they are just not as patient. During the delicate footwork of the initial pas de deux - when it's revealed that the object of your dating interest has just left a marriage, some people balk. "No way," they think, "I'm not going to be the first lover after someone's divorce. It's one of my dating rules."

So they resort to eating off their knives and confessing to a robust porn addiction, just to put off the Freshly Exed. It's completely understandable.

The job of the Transitional Lover requires a whole lot of tolerance. The Freshly Exed are needy and often terribly confused. They have just emerged from a partnership that defined them, or at least gave them clear parameters about the structure of their lives. They come out a little disoriented about what they want, who they are and what exactly got them here, into a smaller home with a widescreen TV and take-out sushi for company.

They feel unloved. They feel that they have failed, even if they needed and wanted to leave. They can feel unworthy. Worst of all, they have lost their confidence. Consider: Even the svelte Ms. Aniston was suddenly seen as homely next to the sex siren Angelina Jolie, who replaced her in Brad Pitt's life.

Should they be so lucky, into your arms they fall. And, of course, into your bed. Which brings me to the one area where no apology is reportedly required.

The sex is fantastic. The sex is often the point. Most of the Freshly Exed haven't been getting any - certainly not the satisfactory kind - for a very long time. One male reader in Winnipeg confessed that he couldn't get enough after a failed, sexless marriage. "I slept with the first woman who smiled at me," he explained in an e-mail about his recovery.

You are a bicycle. The newly single need to know they can get up off the ground after falling off and do it again. And, honestly, not every one of you is unhappy about serving as a good ride.

But there are uncommon issues that a Transitional Lover confronts. Your new squeeze often expects you to be like a spouse. If she is standing in the kitchen of her new postdivorce place and discovers that she doesn't have a cutting board, say, and you casually mention that they are easily purchased at a store around the corner, she might shoot you a look of daggers.

She just automatically assumed that you would run out and get it for her, like her ex-husband would.

One Freshly Exed man liked to drop over to his new girlfriend's house every night, even if they didn't have plans to go out. He was used to having a wife to be with at the end of the day. "I tolerated it," she sighs good-naturedly.

The Freshly Exed also do what every relationship guru advises against. They use you as an unpaid therapist. Often they are still dealing with the aftermath of separation, in the midst of divorce proceedings and the difficult recalibration of their relationship with the ex. But do they keep that to themselves to protect the new love? Naw. There are, in fact, three adults in your relationship. You and the ex are equally present, in one way or another. He is talking about her, often complaining, but sometimes reminiscing about the good times. He is probably comparing the relationship with you with what it was like with his former partner when things were good.

Despite all your selfless work, and the fact that they often thank you for helping them love again, they cannot make a commitment to you - not easily, anyway. (Which makes you question the use of the word, love, of course.) Talk of living together or even exclusivity rarely goes over well. Do not say, "I'm not sure I deserve you." Sweet and humble as the statement is, it is a suggestion that you want the relationship to continue indefinitely into the future. The fear that provokes, often unexpectedly, is a potent reminder about how commitment-averse they are at the beginning of postdivorce life. They might just dump you, then and there.

Of course, some Transitional Lovers make it to a long-term relationship (if you haven't dumped them first, that is). Your patience with the recovery process can wear thin. Being a saint can suck. But it can pay off for some.

One middle-aged woman left an increasing number of her belongings in the house of her boyfriend, even though he was still in divorce-recovery mode, unprepared to give up his man-about-town status. She stuck it out, through other casual girlfriends, and in the end, he married her. He realized that what he was looking for was there all the time. He just hadn't been ready to see it.

Often, though, the relationship ends. You have served a temporary purpose, like rehab. Which is never a nice feeling. "I have to admit a sense of frustration and hurt with the notion that quite possibly some dude is going to end up with a wonderful companion - but it won't be me," writes a male acquaintance who has been a Transitional Lover. "It's almost like you're that male horse they use to arouse the mare for breeding. And when things start to get hot and heavy in the stable, they drag away that horse and bring in the real stud."

Well, listen all you defibrillators, shadow studs, metaphoric bicycles and unsung heroes. Here's what to do: Tape this column to the inside of your closet and know that you can take a bow for your crucial, largely uncredited part in the postdivorce Heart Recovery Program.