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The Dig a Little Deeper Award to... A 26-year-old Frenchman who dropped his cellphone into a toilet while riding on a high-speed TGV train. He reached into the bowl to pull it out and his arm stuck — trapped up to the shoulder by the powerful flushing system. Firefighters worked for an hour before carrying the man out on a stretcher. The entire toilet was still stuck to his arm. He was treated for minor bruises and a major stench.

The Who's Flying This Thing Awards to... Those pilots and would-be pilots who helped make the skies scarier than necessary. On a US Airways flight, for example, a pilot accidentally discharged his firearm in flight, piercing a hole in the cockpit wall. Northwest Airlines cancelled a flight after the pilot cursed at a passenger. British airline easyJet left passengers stranded in the Canary Islands because the pilot had forgotten to renew his licence. And in Toronto, a 20-year-old student arrived at Pearson airport by taxi, scurried past security, sat down in the pilot's seat of an Air Canada Jazz jet and announced he was going to fly the plane.

The Did You Pack Your Own Bags Award to... Customs officers at Japan's Narita International Airport, who used an unauthorized procedure to train sniffer dogs. Instead of placing drugs in a training suitcase as required, they inserted them into the luggage of actual travellers in the baggage hall. It worked well — until the day the dogs messed up, allowing an arriving passenger to disappear with a suitcase containing $10,000 worth of cannabis resin. The unsuspecting traveller was tracked down through immigration forms. Three customs officers were suspended.The Cat Out Of The Bag Award to... Rob Carter, who accidentally took home the wrong suitcase from Dallas-Fort Worth airport. When he opened it to unpack, a live cat jumped out and hid under his bed. "I screamed like a little girl," he said later. Carter eventually spotted a phone number on the cat's collar and phoned the owner's home. It turned out 10-month-old Gracie Mae had hidden in the bag before her owner, Seth Levy, left his Fort Lauderdale, Fla., home to fly to Texas. In the meantime, Levy's wife, desperately looking for the family pet, had torn out bathroom tiles and part of a cabinet.

The Batteries Not Included Award to... Via Rail. When a ride from Toronto to London came to a stop, the conductor asked if any of the passengers had a nine-volt battery to restart the train. No one did, so an engineer walked to a nearby store and bought one. The battery, a Via spokesperson explained later, was for a tool required as part of routine testing. "If a nine-volt is a make-or-break item, you'd think they would have a couple of extras," one passenger said. "It's like finding out your airplane is being held together by a wad of chewing gum and some duct tape."

The Down-the-Hatch Award to... Satyanand Christopher, a traveller on a Delta Airlines flight to Georgetown, Guyana. The first-class passenger, who appeared intoxicated, lost his temper on landing when he saw economy passengers leaving the plane before him — so he snapped open an emergency hatch and slid down the chute. The airline said it would lay charges.

The No Pictures, Please Award to... Grandmother Marilyn Parver, who videotaped an in-flight argument between two passengers during a flight on JetBlue. A flight attendant asked her to erase it. She refused. On arrival in Las Vegas, she was marched off the plane in handcuffs and arrested for interfering with the flight crew.

The Food For Thought Award to... Flyers who brown-bag their in-flight meals. A British Airways jet made an emergency landing and evacuation at Belgrade airport after passengers reported a "poison gas" odour. It turned out to be curry fumes. A Ryanair plane was also forced to land after a jar of mushroom soup in an overhead locker leaked onto a passenger with a severe allergy to — you guessed it — mushroom soup. And a pilot's packed lunch caused a safety panic on a British flight after a runaway plum restricted the rudder controls.

The So You Think You Can Dance Award to... Abdur-Rahim Jackson, a veteran member of the Alvin Ailey dance troupe. When the U.S. company flew into Jerusalem for a performance tour, Israeli security agents had concerns that Jackson was a terrorist. To prove he wasn't, he was twice required to perform dance steps. They finally let him in, but not before suggesting he get rid of his Muslim-sounding name.

The Sleeping It Off Award to... A 78-year-old Swede who spent all his money on booze during a night on the town in Helsingor, Denmark. Realizing he couldn't afford a ferry ticket home, he stole a dinghy and set off to row the five kilometres back to Sweden. Danish police found him halfway through his journey — floating sound asleep in one of the world's busiest shipping lanes.The Lest We Forget Award to... A Philippine family who neglected to bring along their 23-month-old toddler when they boarded a Winnipeg-bound Air Canada flight in Vancouver. A security guard found the child wandering outside the departure gate. Airport employees acted as babysitters until the father reached his destination, then flew back to retrieve the child. The parents and grandparents, who were immigrating to Canada, each thought the little one was sitting with other family members.

The Crappy Flight Award to... Gokhan Mutlu, who arrived at San Diego airport to learn every seat had been taken on his JetBlue flight to New York. Luck seemed to be with him when a sympathetic flight attendant offered to ride in a jump seat so he could have her place. But after 90 minutes in the air, the pilot told Mutlu he had to relocate to the toilet. In a $2-million (U.S.) suit against the airline, Mutlu claimed he suffered extreme humiliation and intense fear as the plane bounced through turbulence while he sat on the toilet without a seatbelt. The None So Blind Award to... An airport in England's Isles of Scilly that advertised for an air controller in Braille. Authorities said they were merely following equal opportunity guidelines, even though 20-20 vision is a job requirement.

The Long And Winding Road Award to... A German couple on their honeymoon, who relied on their car's GPS unit to get them to their luxury hotel after their wedding. It directed them along a rough forest road and up a hill. Eventually they called police — who rescued them from the side of an 840-metre mountain.

The Eye-catching Hood Ornament Award to... A tourist couple in Queensland, Australia. On returning to their rental car, they were shocked to find something attached to its front — and it wasn't a parking ticket. They told police that a stranger had dented their car by lying across it and was still sound asleep on the hood without any pants on.

The Fuhgedaboudit It Award to... A German couple who innocently posted photos of their vacation in Sicily on the Internet. By accident, one of the images of the couple showed up on a television show about wanted criminals. They were described as "a ruthless Mafia godfather who has been a killer since he was a teenager, and his partner." The husband, a real-estate agent, said he "spent the next two days convincing the neighbours, boss and family that I am not a crime lord from Boston who has served time in Alcatraz." The Sticky Fingers Award to... Newark Airport security screener Pythias Brown, who has been branded by his bosses as a "one-person crime wave." Authorities allege he had been routinely stealing electronic items from passengers' luggage for a year. But he went too far when he took an expensive camera from an HBO crew and a camcorder from a CNN employee and advertised them both on eBay. Investigators posed as buyers and put him under arrest.

The Celebrities Behaving Badly Award to... VIPs who should know better. Supermodel Naomi Campbell was banned from flying with British Airways after assaulting two police officers at London's Heathrow airport during a dispute over lost luggage. Chinese actress Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting $16 worth of batteries and gossip magazines at Los Angeles airport. And British movie stars Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans, lovers at the time, spent their flight back to London after the Oscars cavorting, stroking, nibbling and kissing passionately in full view of other passengers. Ifans also stripped off his shirt after spilling wine on it, then jumped into Miller's single bed.

The Which Side Do You Dress On Award to... Mathias Guerrand-Hermès, an heir to the Hermès fashion fortune. After drinking heavily on an Air France flight, the French socialite refused requests from crew members to behave himself. Instead, he grabbed the pilot's crotch. He was handcuffed, shackled, tied to a first-class seat and arrested on arrival in New York.

The Deal Or No Deal Award to... Flybe, a British low-cost airline. The carrier started service into Norwich, promising airport authorities that it would fly 15,000 passengers during its first year of service. In exchange, the airline would get a $500,000 rebate from the airport. As the deadline approached, however, Flybe realized it would be short of the mark. So it paid 172 people to take free flights — complete with a free bar — to reach the goal. Airport officials called the stunt "ludicrous" and refused to pay up.

The Don't Cry For Me, Argentina Award to... New York lawyer Richard Roth, who launched a $1-million (U.S.) suit against Delta Airlines. A trip to Buenos Aires for Roth, his wife, mother and two teenage children started badly when their flight from New York was delayed by two hours. That meant they missed their connection in Atlanta, where they were told there would be a two-week wait for the next available seats. The family managed to fly to Argentina three days later with another carrier, but had to wait five more days for their luggage. Roth spent half his vacation in Buenos Aires "chasing Delta and its incompetent representatives," the lawsuit said.

The Customer Service Award to... The male employees of a small hotel on Turkey's Mediterranean coast. Manager Pelin Yucel gave them all the boot, accusing them of repeatedly bed-hopping with foreign guests. "The waiters would prey on older English women staying at the hotel," Yucel said. She said she could never contact her night receptionist because he was always in bed with guests.

The Morning After Award to... Frustrated passengers of China Southern Airlines, who were left stranded overnight at Kunming Airport when three flights were cancelled because of bad weather. They were forced to sleep on planes or in the terminal and were not provided with food or accommodation. Come morning, they showed their displeasure by smashing desks and computers and clashing with police.

The Creature's A Creature, No Matter How Small Award to... An over-officious conductor on SNCF, the French national railway. Finding a traveller with live snails in a tin, he required the passenger to buy a ticket for the tiny creatures. The rules say any domestic animal, including a cat, dog or bird carried in a bag or basket, must have a ticket — and there is no exception for snails, the conductor argued. After an outcry in the media, however, SNCF refunded the $8 charge.

The To All A Good Fight Award to... Angry visitors at a Christmas theme park in England. Irate guests dubbed the attraction Winter Blunderland, complaining that all it offered was a broken skating rink, a shoddy light display and huskies standing in mud. Some took out their frustrations by assaulting three elves and three security guards. And one angry father punched Santa in the nose after standing in line for four hours only to be told his kids couldn't sit on Old St. Nick's knee.

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