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Whoops. You gave your wife a cashmere sweater that's four sizes too big. When you fix your flub, you'd better throw in a bouquet of flowers too - or else suffer the consequences - a new study on reciprocity suggests.

University of Chicago researchers studied behavioural giving and taking, and found that those who feel slighted tend to retaliate - and it can escalate.

Researchers conducted five experiments on samples of 40 to 102 people who played games in which players had the power to divide cash between themselves and another player, and then roles were switched. They also played games in which one person had the power to take cash away and continued to do so. As the experiments progressed, people were given more freedom to take or give as much as they wanted.

Participants had positive responses in the games when a fair or equal amount was given to them or taken from them. But when there was a perceived imbalance, people reciprocated selfishly and continued to do so, says the study, published this month in Psychological Science.The findings could explain family feuds that start over a small, unintended slight and escalate into irrational rifts and arguments, said the study's lead author, Boaz Keysar, a professor of psychology at the university.

If you get the shaft on Christmas morning, "it's much better to swallow your pride on small things and not wreck your holiday," he says.

The findings also render ancient adages like "an eye for an eye" inaccurate, he added.

Retaliation is always worse because the person who caused the slight often doesn't realize the impact of his or her behaviour.

So unless you overcompensate, your wife will remember the sweater faux pas for Christmases to come, Prof. Keysar said.

"When my wife is mad at me, it's not enough to apologize," he says. "Flowers always help."