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Since Web designer Emira Mears and her boyfriend, Martin Larsen, bought a 1940s fixer-upper home in Vancouver two years ago, they've renovated bathrooms, bedrooms and a kitchen together.

They've tackled dry rot and survived a gas leak. But every time they begin a new project, Ms. Mears gets a little stressed.

"I want to develop a schedule and know when everything is going to happen," she says. "And Martin is more, 'We'll do this and see what happens.' "

They've discovered what many couples have learned the hard way: If you want to test your relationship, renovate.

Fixing up the house used to be hard labour, not a hobby. Now, thanks to hot housing markets, the popularity of television design shows and savvy marketing by stores such as Rona and Home Depot, home improvement has become a $46.5-billion-a-year industry, according to the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corp.

But the stress of adding a sunroom, redoing the kitchen or even painting the bedroom pushes some couples to the brink of divorce. It turns designers and contractors into marriage counsellors, and has spawned a new field of psychology: renovation therapy.

Bryan Baeumler, host of HGTV's Disaster DIY, has seen his share of couples torn apart by half-finished kitchens and ill-advised additions. He says procrastination and nagging, the two main problems, tend to go hand-in-hand.

"We see a lot of guys who won't admit 'I don't have time to do this' or 'I don't know how to do this,' " the contractor and TV host says.

When doing it yourself goes wrong, he says, "There's the I-told-you-so factor."

Mr. Baeumler recalls one marriage that broke up after the husband promised to renovate a bungalow before his baby's birth. Months later, mother and child were still living in her parents' basement, and both the house and the marriage were in shambles.

Vancouver interior decorator Hilary Anne Stephens, a former suicide-prevention counsellor, sees a surprising amount of overlap between her two careers. She's worked with couples who snipe at each other about throw pillows and clients who burst into tears over colour choices.

Ms. Stephens says she uses the empathetic listening skills of her previous profession to try to negotiate compromises. When you're making expensive changes to hearth and home, she says, conflict is almost inevitable.

"It is very emotional," Ms. Stephens says. "A person's home is an intimate space; it's a place where they go to feel vulnerable."

Good communication and planning are the keys to fixing your house without wrecking your relationship, says Debi Warner, a psychologist in Littleton, N.H., who specializes in counselling couples and individuals who are experiencing renovation angst.

Let your ideas percolate with your partner's, she says, and be open during planning.

If your kitchen will be out of commission for several months, Dr. Warner advises creating an alternative family gathering point - otherwise you might miss out on conversations that usually happen between stove and sink.

Dr. Warner sings the praises of "harmonious domestic construction."

"Renovation is an opportunity to learn," she says. "You start to build communication, and you learn how to admire each other."

That's exactly what Ms. Mears and Mr. Larsen have learned to do, without any professional help.

Although she still likes to plan and schedule, Ms. Mears says, she's come to see that her boyfriend's more flexible approach works well for home renovation, as projects usually take longer than expected and include a few curveballs.

Meanwhile, he has gained a new appreciation for her attention to details. Together, they make a good team.

"We really enjoy renovating," Ms. Mears says. "Finding a middle ground is probably where we've ended up."

For couples who can find that middle ground, and operate a table saw in it, renovating can strengthen relationships. Many of Ms. Stephens's clients redecorate or renovate after a life-changing event such as a death in the family.

For a new couple, especially after a remarriage, a coat of paint and some new cabinets may symbolize a fresh start.

"It can be a very healing process for some people," Ms. Stephens says.

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Essential fixes

How do you improve your house without wrecking your relationship?

Fight on paper. Agreeing on a common vision before work starts can take months of back-and-forth, but it's time well spent, designer Kimberley Seldon says. "It's much easier to argue on paper than it is to argue when there's someone standing in your kitchen saying, 'Where do you want this light, lady?' "

If you're deadlocked, preference goes to the person who uses the room the most.

"The key is, who's the main cook," says kitchen designer David Courtney. "They should really have the final say in how the kitchen functions."

Start small. Build a shelf together before you try ripping out the kitchen, says renovation psychologist Debi Warner.

Get on the same page about the cost and time, then realize it'll probably cost more and take longer. "A lot of homeowners don't understand how much work it takes," says HGTV host and contractor Bryan Baeumler.

For major renovations, move out of the house if possible.

"You pack two people into a tent for two or three months, add a bunch of noise and mess and construction workers and, yeah, they're going to get on each other's nerves," Mr. Baeumler says.

Rebecca Dube