It's hard not to notice Ultimat Vodka even amid the sea of luxury brands on the shelves nowadays. Just look for the cobalt-blue, handcrafted, Polish-crystal decanter, the one with the fat cork-and-glass stopper and the price sticker that reads $99.95.
The bottle's eye-catching look isn't Ultimat's most striking design feature, though. To get the full aesthetic effect, you have to pick it up. Or, at least, try to.
Tipping the scales at 2.3 kilograms - roughly twice the usual weight of a liquor bottle - it is reputed to be the heaviest 750-millilitre product ever carried by the Liquor Control Board of Ontario.
"It's amazing, the weight difference," says Alex Patinios, owner of Dionysus Wines & Spirits Ltd. of Toronto, the importing agency that launched the brand in Ontario seven weeks ago.
Lest the greenhouse-gas lobby start to raise a stink over the gratuitous freight weight, Mr. Patinios is quick to point out that the container is designed to be reused and could make a handsome - or at least very stable - candlestick holder.
And the Polish-made Ultimat, also available in Alberta, is by no means alone in the aesthetic-overstatement department.
Have you noticed? The premium-vodka aisles are starting to look like the crystal department at Birks.
In another arresting new entry, French-based giant Pernod Ricard SA has just relaunched Polish brand Wyborowa Exquisite in Canada with a new bottle designed by Frank Gehry, the Canadian-born architect of Polish descent. Tall, narrow and square-sided, it resembles a small skyscraper, but with a helical twist along its vertical axis. It costs between $43 and $50 across Canada.
Taking its cue from the jewellery world, Diva, from Scotland's Blackwood Distillers, comes in a tall, cylindrical bottle with a column of colourful Swarovski crystals running down the front on the inside of the glass. The gems aren't just decorative, either; they're meant to echo the production process, which - believe it or not - involves filtering the spirit through crushed diamonds and other gems, reputedly for a smoother, more polished taste. Diva sells for the equivalent of $70, mainly in Europe and Asia.
And eschewing semi-precious stones for a space-age metal, Russian distiller Veda announced last month that it had signed a deal with Pininfarina, the iconic Italian design house best known for its work with Ferrari, Lamborghini, Maserati and Alfa Romeo. The special edition package, due out in September, is reported to involve a combination of Chinese lacquers and titanium. Projected cost: €300 (about $430). No word yet on Canadian availability.
Why are vodka makers pimping their pours? Because, frankly, it's the best way to justify higher and higher prices for a spirit that in principle costs less to produce than most others and inherently offers little in the way of brand differentiation.
Not that all vodkas taste exactly alike. I concede that Ultimat has just become my favourite vodka of all time. Still, I'm not sure I'll be buying it. Whenever I get the urge to splurge on a luxury vodka, which is rare, I quickly remind myself of the fact that vodka, at least according to federal law, is a colourless beverage based on grain or potatoes and absent of distinctive aromas or flavours.
Vodka makers don't even have the burden of one of the biggest expenses faced by their fellow whisky, rum and brandy makers - years of aging in costly wooden barrels. I mean, where do they get off charging as much as patiently mellowed, 10-year-old Laphroaig or 16-year-old Lagavulin single malts?
The subtle differences in flavour and texture between brands often have as much or more to do with the water added to dilute the spirit down to 40-per-cent alcohol after distillation than with the base spirit itself, and I don't like to pay $100 for water, with or without a hernia-inducing decanter.
And, ironically, it's the most expensive brands that tend to contain the least flavour because they tend to be distilled more times and filtered more assiduously, leaving behind fewer taste-imparting impurities.
"In many of the premium vodkas on the market right now, they're trying to make them as neutral as possible and have as little flavour as possible, so essentially you're paying more for less," says Josh Pape, bar manager at Chambar Belgian Restaurant in Vancouver, which specializes in signature cocktails designed to match the menu. He is not an advocate of deluxe vodkas costing $45 or more.
