Food and sleep. No two issues command more time, worry and effort for new parents.
Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley tackled the latter in an online discussion Monday.
How do you get your child to fall asleep and stay asleep? Is it okay to share a bed with your kids? Should children sleep with their siblings? How do you move them out? And how do you manage the inevitable crying, whining and tantrums?
Ms. Pantley is president of Better Beginnings, Inc., a family resource and education company. She frequently speaks to parents at schools, hospitals, and parent groups around the world.
Ms. Pantley is a regular radio show guest and frequently quoted as a parenting expert in newspapers and magazines such as Parents, Parenting, American Baby, Woman's Day, Good Housekeeping, and Redbook, and on hundreds of parent-directed websites. She publishes a newsletter, Parent Tips, which is distributed in schools nationwide.
Ms. Pantley is the author of these bestselling parenting books, which are available in 18 languages:
• The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior without Whining, Tantrums and Tears
• The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
• The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep
• The No-Cry Potty Training Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers
• Gentle Baby Care: No-Cry, No-Fuss, No-Worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby
• Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children
• Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
• Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading & Get Kids to Cooperate
Ms. Pantley and her husband, Robert have four children, Angela, Vanessa, David, and Coleton. Ms. Pantley is an involved participant in her children's school and sports activities and has served in positions as varied as softball coach and school PTA president.
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Rebecca Dube, The Globe and Mail: Hello Ms. Pantley, and thanks for joining us today. Many sleep-deprived parents (and some of my bleary-eyed colleagues) are eagerly awaiting your answers, so I'll get straight to the questions.
Joanne Mandry from Montreal Canada writes: Our son has always been a poor sleeper, and we have been reluctant to have him 'cry-it-out' but he is now 8 months old and waking every 45 minutes-1 hour. We feel like we are going crazy from lack of sleep, and it is affecting our ability to parent during the day and straining our relationship. We feel like we have tried everything: rocking, shushing, rubbing the back, lullabies. Is there anything that you can suggest that might work?
Elizabeth Pantley: Hi Joanne ~
It must be incredibly hard — functioning for 8 months on such disrupted sleep! This is very normal, yet one of the most difficult situations parents face. Since your son is waking every 45 minutes to an hour it is clear that he has a strong parent-led sleep association. If he has always had you to rock, shush and rub, then he believe he NEEDS these things to sleep! All human beings wake up throughout the night during sleep cycle transitions, and your little guy needs you each and every time. The key for you will be to help him learn how to put himself back to sleep each time. Start by reducing the amount of "help" you give — rock with less motion, rub more gently, turn down the volume on the lullabies. Try to stop your assistance when he is settled and sleepy — but not fully asleep (resume patting if he starts to cry, then try again; and again.) Over a week or so continue to wean your son from the sleep aids. Try keeping him in his bed and shushing and patting him without picking him up, then transition to laying a motionless hand on him. This step-by-step process will soon have him sleeping all night on his own. Sweet dreams!
