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What do I know about modern parenting? I may be a loving auntie, but my two darling nieces are safely ensconced in rural Cape Breton, a trend-free zone where Bugaboos are still commonly known as fishing lures.

So when it came time to review Little Nest, a new "parent-friendly café" in the hipster family hood of Commercial Drive, I recruited three yummy mummies, one so-called Alternadad and their Romper Room of seven children (aged 2 to 8) to assist me.

This recipe for disaster in any other restaurant elicited screams of delight when our troop barged into the bright, funky space with floor-to-ceiling windows and durable hardwood floors.

Sacha, 2, and Avery, 3, made a beeline for the play kitchen filled with vintage Fisher-Price toys. Jay and Ty, both 8, ran around the sidewalk patio equipped with narrow elementary school desks for tables.

Zola, 6, and Nathan, 7, took seats at a farmhouse-sized communal table in the middle of the room, spread out their homework and grabbed some complimentary crayons. Dad dashed out to the bank (Little Nest only takes cash).

Siggy, 3, started crying.

"I want a popsicle," she sniffed while trying to crawl into the lap of her mother, who was commiserating with the other moms about sleepovers and soccer schedules.

"Should I move to another seat?" I asked, while Siggy flailed and simpered.

"No," Clara assured, calmly peeling her deflated daughter off her thigh. "I don't cater to my children."

And that laissez-faire attitude, in a peanut-free nutshell, is what Little Nest is all about. Although the toys, indestructible retro Seventies furniture and kid-friendly menu - complete with bambinoccinos (steamed milk with chocolate sprinkles) and boiled eggs with toast "soldiers" - are all seemingly designed for kids, this really is a place that's all about letting parents off the hook.

Little Nest, which opened earlier this month, is owned by Mary MacIntyre, a mother of two toddlers and onetime pastry chef at Lumière. Her idea was to create a respectable foodie café where her kids could come to visit. The bistro is only open during the day, until 6 p.m.

The adult menu, with its emphasis on organic, sustainable and free-trade products, receives two thumbs up from the parents. Gazpacho ($6) is a full-bodied bowl of chilled soup with lots of garlic, guacamole and pickled pepper. The kids' soup ($5) is vegetable and alphabet noodles.

Pasta of the day ($9) is thick rustic pappardelle with a spicy tomato and merguez sauce. The kids' pasta ($5) is bite-sized farfalle with a tomato and bocconcini sauce.

Papaya salad ($6) is one of the best we've ever tasted. It's made with tart green papayas (not the mushy orange ones), beans, heaps of cilantro and an uncompromisingly astringent fish sauce deliciously balanced with lime juice and palm sugar.

The kids' snacks? Well, the 100-per-cent fruit popsicles ($1.25) are rejected by three out of the five children who order them. Safeway apparently makes them better.

The cheese platter ($4) is served with walnuts, to the dismay of our allergic-paranoid panel. And the peach "foam" with fruit "fries" ($4) is said to look like "cat barf" even before it ends up splattered on the wall.

But the veggie sticks ($4) are a big hit. "I like the cucumber," Jay says. And Ty devours his chicken-lettuce wraps ($4) before we even see them.

As Avery drips his popsicle on the floor (while rolling around in a plastic yellow seat) and the older children venture outside for an imaginary swordfight, we inevitably launch into a discussion about dining with children.

"This isn't about teaching kids how to dine," Felicity says. "The only way to teach kids how to dine is to take them out to a proper restaurant, have them sit down in chairs, read the menu, talk about what they want and eat nicely."

"Kids don't care where they're eating," Karen says. "This is definitely for adults."

Indeed, we are surprised to see two other diners, without kids, here for coffee.

"Maybe it's a good place to pick up single parents," Chris suggests.

"I guess it would be comforting if you come from a big family," Clara says.

Me? I think Little Nest would make a great promotional pitch for Planned Parenthood. One hour, seven kids and 12 dishes later, I'm feeling a little zoned out. The slow-drip Vietnamese iced coffee with condensed milk is lovely, but I could sure use a glass of wine.

The mums all agree. "Wine makes for much better parenting," Clara says.

Now where are those kids?

Little Nest, 1716 Charles St.;

604-251-9994.