Get your teen off the couch

Anthony E. Wolf

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

'I go to school all year, and if you think that's not work, try sitting in a classroom six hours a day, five days a week for almost 10 months, and then when you come home you still have to do homework. I'm still just a kid. I'll have plenty of chance to work all the time when I'm an adult - which I don't look forward to except that I'll be allowed to drink without anybody hassling me.

"I need my vacation time. Then I'll be in a way better frame of mind during the school year and I'll get better grades. Otherwise, I'll get burned out, maybe even drop out of school. It's true. I'm not just saying it."

The image of having one's child sit around the house for the entire summer doing nothing can be disturbing: "All he wants to do is get up at 1 p.m., then sit on the couch all day, watch TV, play video games, go to God-knows-what websites and talk to his friends. Oh yeah, and eat corn chips and get crumbs all over the place."

Kids will say this is what they want to do. But the truth is they get bored, and as the summer wears on a completely sedentary life can often become depressing. There may be kids who can go through a summer just playing video games and come out the other end more fully realized individuals, but I have yet to meet them.

In fact, most adolescents, despite what they may say, agree with the premise that sitting around the whole summer is not such a good idea.

So how do you get your teenager to get working?

First, you need to make clear to them that doing nothing all summer is not an option. Your reasons are simple and unarguable: "You need to get a summer job. It is far better for you than sitting around the house doing nothing."

Most parents don't realize that just taking a firm stand has a strong influence on their teenager. And most teenagers don't actually dislike the idea of getting a job. They do like earning money. And although they dislike having to get up and out earlier than they wish, once they do it they don't seem to mind it very much.

Not only that but, to the surprise of many parents, the vast majority of teenagers are far more responsible and hard-working at their jobs than their parents ever get to see at home.

"My Russell, apparently he actually bends down and picks up stuff at his job. Amazing."

The biggest mistake that parents can make is to leave the job-getting process completely in the hands of their teenager. The main impediment to teens getting jobs is not that they are terminally lazy. The greatest problem for teens is that they don't know how to get summer work. And once they do initiate a job search, they are not very good at following through.

You can spend a lot of time and effort trying to motivate them, but it's better to participate in their job search. Ideally they should do it on their own, but without help the likelihood of their ending up with summer employment is significantly lower. And in the process, you'll be teaching them how to hunt for a job.

Here's what to do: Every day sit with them and go over what they have done to find a job. Make concrete suggestions about possible new sources of employment and what they can do to follow up on leads.

Help them make a list of potential employers in the area. Plan to have them go to such places in person - which is better than phone calls. Also talk with them about any other job resources you can think of - for example, are there online job sites that they can check each day? Finally, do you know anyone who might be interested in hiring them or who might be able to help get them a job?

If you want to do something that is going to make a difference in your teenager's summer job search, helping them look is a lot more productive than trying to motivate them.

Anthony E. Wolf is a clinical psychologist and the author of six parenting books, including Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager.

awolf@globeandmail.com

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