News

'Oh, I'm sorry. The sitter you hired is, um. Dead."

This is one of the many deterrents I have experienced in trying to find pet care during the holidays, a process so arduous I am surprised the pet industry is largely caught up in the manufacturing of dog socks and cat singlets, instead of cornering this urgent niche market.

I have lived alone, or with various roommates, for six years now, and have only now begun to try to rectify the problem of regular, not-terrifying pet care, a concern that always spikes during the holiday season. That is, unless your family appreciates you visiting with a hairball-coughing cat and a neurasthenic, tree-peeing dog.

It is dogs that require the most concern, as cats (and most other pets) are okay on their own for 24 hours if they are furnished with water and food and you are willing to endure the snotty temper tantrum upon your return.

For anyone who lives alone, the issue of dog care is three-pronged. There are long days or impromptu overnights, for one. Sitting through an end-of-day meeting at work is like bathing in the roiling waters of guilt when you know your dog is at home, crossing its legs into a caduceus and praying for the door to open.

Secondly, there are longer times away, which involve far more than a daily drop-in.

Finally, there are the holidays, possibly the worst time to consider leaving your pets.

It's when all the people you have begged, bribed or menaced into watching them at other times also have families to visit.

I have finally found a solution, which I wish to extend to all of you who have tried to dress your dog as a small, bearded Amish travelling companion on a plane, or have cancelled vacations to spots that do not feature a "Dog-Friendly Spa and Valet Walking!"

The solution is simple: I have found a pet sitter. The finding, on the other hand, was not simple at all.

Over the years, petless friends have smugly suggested that I "deep down" do not want to go away when I cite pet care as an excuse. Then, when I excitedly ask them if they would like to move into my house and start hauling cat litter and taking long walks with my temperamental, beloved dog, they are magically busy.

After hectoring every friend I have to come and stay with my hairball family, I decided to look into pet services proper, place an ad in the paper and on Craigslist.

The All Canadian Pet Services Network (acpsn.com) is a professional organization of pet-care providers that offers links to pet sitters and dog walkers in cities across Canada.

How easy it all looks! There are Fairy Dogmothers and Wizards of Paws, deluxe boarding facilities and plain, arduous, scheduled walks. Home pet sitting is featured often - perfect.

Or so I thought. Most of the services contacted did not service my, let's call it shabby-chic, neighbourhood. Others prefer to board your pet in their homes or facilities (possibly erroneous images of pet dungeons dispirited me). And still others drag your dog out with a group of mutts who I fear will try to kill mine for sport.

Each response to my advertisements in the paper and online conjured the image of an insane person sticking pins in my pets' eyes. Lacking a nanny cam, I declined to meet with any of the laconic, disquieting offers.

One woman looked promising: "I am a huge animal lover and I work part-time at an animal clinic as a veterinary assistant," she wrote, yet when I called her, she wheezily began offering sordid details of her health issues and home life that chilled me.

I then met with Nigel from A Leg Up, one of the bolder advertisements in the Yellow Pages, and after discussing my pets' dietary needs and favourite toys, I asked if I could check in with the sitter while I was away. This is, apparently, bad news in sitter-land.

Services, I have learned, like to conduct their business from their home base; that is, the sitter checks in with them, and they relay information on a need-to-know basis.

But, I asked, what if I need to know that Frankie (my dog) wants me to sing Eye of the Tiger? What if one of my elderly cats wishes to mew, piteously, into the receiver?

Nigel feigned concern, and after telling me to stop calling and to e-mail him only, refused to answer any more e-mails.

As you have probably discerned by now, I am as high-maintenance as my Jack Russell, who is an edgy bolter who, until quite recently, would dislocate my arm at the sight of an airborne garbage bag, and who won't go to sleep until I have staged an elaborate operetta with him and one of his many dolls.

Finally, to make a very long story short, I discovered, among the long list of dog services that includes Poop Patrol, Think Pawsitive! All Woof home-style boarding and Regal Dogs resort, a service that provides daily visits and in-house care - vipSitters.

The service, run by the inimitable Kyle Freeman, offers a multi-page questionnaire that asks, among other things, what kind of music your dog likes, and what his emotional state may be at any given moment.

Caretakers of Barbra Streisand's, Doug Gilmour's, and Faith Hill's dogs, vipSitters is Toronto-based, but sends its people anywhere in the world, and is on the verge of franchising.

Utterly at ease with amateur divas like me, they acquiesced to my demands ("Put Frank on the phone!") and insisted I relax, because everything is "all right."

These two words make me sigh when I am away for lengthy periods of time; as do vipSitters' complex reports on how heartily or lumpishly my animals eliminated during my absence.

While I feel that vipSitters responds to every need available (walking, sitting, grooming, emergency pickups and more), if you have pets that want to socialize, there are many services you can use, where your hirsute amours can play with other animals and practise Frisbee before you pick them up after an extended day at the office, or a small vacation.

Boarding at the veterinarian is not recommended. While it is pleasing to know that if your pet suffers a near-fatal heart attack, help is at hand, it is otherwise boxed in a cage and plotting revenge against you for this dereliction.

Then there is the matter of trusting someone with your home. Look for a bonded and insured sitter who works for a reputable company. The sitter might look at your amateur Polaroids, but he or she will be there when the dreaded holiday burglars arrive; when Steve or Baby Jesus chokes on a chicken bone; and when your pals are simply lonely.

In 1808, Lord Byron wrote an elegy for his beloved Newfoundland dog, which ends: "To mark a friend's remains these stones arise/I never knew but one - and here he lies."

My dog's best friend sent this poem to me. A poem about my own best friend, who surely deserves better than what is easily available; who occupies, with all my small creatures, the space formerly vacant, that is, my soul.