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Back when my son was 4, he was a nightmare to put to bed. His endurance to both stay awake and to hound me to get up again was incredible. Then I came up with a paradox that calmed him enough to snooze at a decent hour.

I told him that if he lay quietly in his bed for 15 minutes without a peep, he could get back up again. If he made a sound before the time was up, we'd have to start the 15 minutes over again. Inevitably, when we started this plan, he'd call out after five or 10 minutes. I'd say, "Sorry, we have to start the 15 minutes over again."

We played this bedtime game for about two years. He only made it through 15 minuets of quiet to get up again about three times. The rest of the time, he passed out before the allotted time!

On the rare occasions when he managed to stay awake, true to my word, I'd let him up to read for a short period. Then, I'd turn his light off and give him another 15-minute option. He never made it through the second allotted time. These days (he's 15 now), he has no problem calming himself to enjoy a good night's sleep.

Jeff Harmsen, Ontario

My daughter is 8 and while she still follows her long-standing routine of bath, brushing, stories and sleep, she is now an avid reader who wants to stay up later to read. It's horrible to tell your kid to stop reading.

Also, sports after school fire her up, giving her an energy bounce that makes that evening's bedtime difficult. As well -- and I don't think I'm alone in this --sometimes the choice parents make is between keeping their kid up late to finish homework or a school project or making sure they get the right amount of sleep. Proper planning is usually the answer, but it's not much of a life when a weekend of fun and frivolity becomes a Sunday night crying-fest as children are caught between their parents' and teacher's expectations.

Finally, I wish experts would lighten up on routine -- even, heaven forefend, if it means the children miss a little school. Remember your kids are yours, not the state's. There really is nothing as fun as taking your kid to an appropriate party, an all-night bonfire or the drive-in. Sure they'll stay up far too late, but as long as there's a safe place to put them down when they just can't take it any more, what's the problem?

For example, a couple of years ago I went to one of the last drive-ins in Southern Ontario. The most beautiful thing I saw that night was not in any movie, it was a late-middle-aged couple sitting on lawn chairs, sharing popcorn and a surreptitious beer, intent both on the movie and each other, while their kids snoozed away on mattresses in the bed of their truck.

Sure they'd pay for it in the morning, but for a brief span these two were paradoxically alone on a date with their children and they were loving it.

John Bodner, B.C.

One of the best practices we adopted for getting our two children to go to bed at a prescribed time was to give them a 10-minute notice. We realized that no one, adult or child, likes to be told, "Stop doing what you are doing right now."

By giving children a "heads-up" they can subtly and subconsciously accept their duty. It also gave the children the time and opportunity to tidy up their work space so they could go to sleep with clear decks.

Donald G. Watts, B.C.

We started a bedtime routine for our daughter when she was very young and have stuck with it. She is now 18 months old, and goes down every evening at around 8 p.m. We do let her stay up late the odd time, (once every couple months or so we may keep her up late for a get-together with friends or an evening at Grandma's) but never two nights in a row.

We work until 5 p.m. so supper is usually around 6 p.m., and may not be over until 7 o'clock. Then it's bath, a quiet game, story, breastfeeding and bed. Although I am doing extended breastfeeding, she rarely falls asleep at my breast.

She finishes, says "all done," and then asks for bed. Once she is in bed, she is given her dolly, and we turn on a music-box stuffed animal, and an aquarium toy that hangs on her crib. Now that summer is around the corner, we sometimes slip a short visit to the playground in before the bath. If we do that, we simply shorten the rest of the routine to accommodate an 8 o'clock bedtime.

We do a lot of camping in the summer, and stick to the same routine then too.

We are so happy she has a routine. It gives us time alone in the evenings, and she is happy, well-adjusted and well-rested. Everyone knows what to expect, and there are no battles over bedtime.

There were times in the last year when we really had to stick to our guns, and not give in to crying, but it has been worth it.

The Miles family, Alberta

We have a 22-month-old toddler. We are pretty laid back about bed times as we both work out of the home. Currently we start to get him ready around 9 p.m. Based on your recent sleep articles we may rethink our 9 p.m. "deadline." It is very possible that we are letting him become overtired.

Our nighttime and nap-time routines are similar and so far have worked well. Basically we wear "D.S." (darling son) down to sleep. We change him into comfortable clothes (pyjamas if it is night) and then place him in a carrier against our front. (The "we" is a bit misleading as I am currently nine months pregnant. My husband has taken over this job since the fifth month though, in a pinch, I can carry D.S. on my back.)

We then walk slowly around the living room listening to agreeable music, mostly baroque. Usually D.S. falls asleep within 20 to 30 minutes, after which we place him in the bed. This method very rarely fails us.

On the occasions where it has failed, we take ds for a short drive in the car. That always works. My husband has tried a more traditional bedtime routine (change D.S. into pyjamas, brush teeth, get into bed with a book) but found it took much longer and had a lower rate of success. D.S. appears very able to prolong this kind of routine and become wired.

Jan A. Fraser,

My kids are now 16 and 18, so getting them to wake up is the greater problem. In fact, more information about teens and sleep would be helpful. We know from recent brain research their brains are under construction and they need as much sleep as toddlers, yet their brains won't shut down until midnight and we expect them to wake up at 7 a.m. for school. A trial run in Maryland a few years ago showed that a late start (10 a.m. to 4 p.m.) led to increase in grades, and better use of bus service as they can do an early and late run, yet we continue to stick to the old system.

I would also say that part of a bedtime routine that keeps everyone sane is limiting the books you read to your child to one book each -- best in your bed and then they scoot into their own for sleep. Otherwise the book reading in their bed is tied to being left alone, so it goes on forever -- "just one more book!" until the parent falls asleep. Also there should be no TV, PlayStation or computer in the kid's room; too many parents do this to keep them out of their hair, but of course, then that is what the kid is doing in a place of rest, instead of sleeping.

Heather Johnston, Ontario

I am a pediatric behavioural sleep specialist (non-medical) in Calgary. On May 1, our private parenting agency, Raymond Parenting, is launching a new program called Sound Sleepers. This is a refinement and expansion of our sleep clinic, which we've offered parents monthly for over 15 years.

The last line in your article, "there's nothing to feel guilty about," is very true. However, the real problem for parents is that in spite of the best routine and rituals and timings, the majority of young children will cry when the parent finally leaves the room. This is usually why parental resolve breaks down and they give up, remembering all the times they've read that crying might leave their child feeling insecure, abandoned, etc.

We face head-on the topic of crying and how hard it is for parents to listen to. We differentiate, however, between bad crying and good crying. Bad crying can happen to babies who live in high-risk situations like extreme poverty, parental lack of interest, substance abuse and teen-age parenting without adequate social support. Bad crying, continuing over time, certainly can be expected to cause a poor physical and emotional outcome for that baby.

Good crying is different. Good crying is what a baby who is well-loved, has been fed on time, held often, played with and talked to through the day, will do when he is getting overtired and needs desperately to go to sleep. Good crying is usually temporary, over just three nights, and results in the design of self-calming strategies which enable the baby to get to sleep easily and stay asleep for long nights and long naps.

It helps enormously for parents to realize that babies can accomplish a great deal for themselves if parents allow them the time to do their work. Self-calming strategies include soothers, a little blanket to suck on, hair-twirling and sometimes rhythmic rocking. Watching a baby go into bed wide awake, roll over and soothe himself to sleep is a wonderful sight for parents to see.

Is it still hard to listen to a baby cry? Of course it is. It's also hard to strap them into their car seat if they protest, offer their arm out for vaccinations, and send them off to kindergarten the first day. But all these situations represent times when parents need to be parents, and opt for the greater good for their child rather than make fleeting efforts to do anything to keep them happy for the moment.

Kitty Raymond, Alberta