DOUGLAS McARTHUR
From Saturday's Globe and Mail Published on Saturday, Dec. 30, 2006 2:00AM EST Last updated on Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009 3:55AM EDT
Appearances were important for jet setters in 2006. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hunkered down in Namibia to produce baby Shiloh, who made her debut in a designer T-shirt. Katie Holmes travelled to Italy where she wore a crystal-embroidered Armani gown for her wedding to Tom Cruise. Michael Jackson went to Bahrain covered head to toe in a robe and veil. Stephen Harper went to Mexico and was criticized for wearing an unflattering vest.
Globetrotters made decisions — some good, some bad — about their travel wardrobes. But for many, that wasn't enough to ensure a perfect journey. As always, some travellers won 15 minutes of notoriety for their own blunders. Others had their trips botched up by someone else. Even travel industry workers got caught up in muddles and mayhem.
To honour those who were tripped up on their journeys, here are the 22nd Annual Travel Hall of Infamy Awards: The Snakes On A Plane Award
To a Filipino woman who tried to smuggle a hissing menagerie aboard a flight from Manila to Bangkok. Security officials noticed something moving while her luggage was being X-rayed. Inside, they found more than 130 reptiles intended to be sold as aphrodisiacs and good luck charms. They included 60 snakes, among them poisonous cobras, inside water bottles, as well as dozens of lizards dressed in diapers to conceal their smell.
The No Leg To Stand On Award
To British Airways for jeopardizing the chances of disabled runner Kate Horan at the Paralympic world championships in the Netherlands. Changing planes in London just as new security rules came into force, the New Zealand athlete was told she must check the prosthetic leg she normally takes as a carry-on. She did, but the airline sent it to a London warehouse instead of putting it on her flight to Amsterdam. It turned up a week later, just in time for Horan to win a medal.
The Model Behaviour Award
To Swedish fashion model Marzena Kamizela, who waved a bottle of wine and danced wildly on her seat aboard a British Airways flight from London to New York. Passengers helped to restrain her until staff were able to tie her to her seat. The plane was diverted to Goose Bay, Labrador, where she was arrested, jailed for seven days and later hit with a hefty fine. She put the blame squarely on the airline. “They provide you with free alcohol on the plane,” she said. “What do you expect?”
The Cultural Learnings of America Award
To a genuine TV news crew from Kazakhstan assigned to cover U.S. elections. Press secretaries for American political parties dodged the reporters, suspecting they were part of a hoax associated with the hit movie Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. The mockumentary, starring comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, follows a fictional Kazakh journalist who tours the U.S. and goads people into making racist and sexist comments. The State Department, which set up the trip for the real Kazakh crew, was bombarded with phone calls from worried officials including even the FBI. “They were really adamant that they were not Borat,” said one Democratic Party official.
The Knock Knock Who's There Award
To an Air Canada Jazz pilot who took a washroom break near the end of a flight from Ottawa to Winnipeg, leaving the first officer in charge of the cockpit. Passengers looked on in amazement as the pilot returned to the cabin door and knocked — and knocked and knocked. He kept on knocking for 10 minutes and also talked to the cockpit through an internal phone. It was all to no avail. The door was either locked or stuck. Eventually the crew took the door off its hinges. The pilot resumed the controls and safely landed the plane.
The One Ringy Dingy Award
To a Thomsonfly pilot who lost his cellphone in the cockpit before takeoff from an English airport. Because it was switched on, safety precautions meant the flight couldn't leave until it was located. The pilot made an announcement about the problem. Fifteen minutes later, he said he was still looking. “We thought we'd heard every excuse in the book for delays,” said one passenger, “but this one took the biscuit.” Engineers eventually dismantled the cockpit to find the phone.
The Curb Your Enthusiasm Award
To Phil Newbon, whose Greek vacation was ruined after he returned home. Arriving at his house in England, he left his luggage on the sidewalk while he chatted to a neighbour. Minutes later, he realized garbage collectors had thrown the bags into their truck and crushed them. Lost were his clothes, mobile phone, satellite-navigation system, digital camera, duty-free booze and gifts for family and friends. “The council told me people often leave suitcases out for collection and I'm sure that's true,” he said. “But I doubt they have 25 kilograms of luggage inside, tags still attached and a bag of hand luggage and duty-free next to them.”
The Boys Will Be Boys Award
To British plumber Lawrence Hoareau, who smuggled a bottle of vodka aboard a Zoom Airlines flight from Glasgow to Ottawa, became drunk and aggressive and accused other passengers of stealing one of his CDs. The pilots returned the plane to Glasgow where Hoareau was arrested. The diversion cost the airline $200,000 in extra fuel and landing costs. Unperturbed, Hoareau's parents stayed on the plane and continued with their trip to Canada.
The Out Of His Tree Award
To Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. He was treated for a mild concussion after a vacation injury at a luxury resort in Fiji. Press reports said he fell out of a coconut tree.
The Don't Cry For Me Argentina Award
To the U.S. Secret Service agents who accompanied George W. Bush's twin daughters on a holiday in Buenos Aires. It was bad enough that one member of the advance party was mugged and beaten up when he went out for a night on the town. But the real international black eye came when thieves stole Barbara Bush's purse and cellphone in a trendy restaurant while the agents were supposed to be on guard.
The Following Too Gross Award
To an Ohio family who drove behind a Greyhound bus on their way back from a Mother's Day meal at a Toledo restaurant. Without warning, the bus released the contents of its toilet, sending the vile guck through the car's open sunroof. Robert and Angela Stokes and their three children were covered with human waste. They are suing the bus line. Greyhound is staying mum.
The We Stand On Guard For Thee Award
To Canadian guards at U.S. border points. After receiving word that an armed murder suspect was heading their way, skittish guards at four of B.C.'s busiest crossings walked off the job. Canadian-bound traffic ground to a halt and the world's longest undefended border was left truly undefended.
The If It Looks Like A Duck Award
To nervous officials who keep mistaking ordinary travellers for terrorists. United Airlines kicked three young Winnipeg doctors off a flight home from Denver because one of them, Dr. Ahmed Farooq, a Muslim, was discreetly saying his prayers. Police in Durham, England, hauled salesman Harraj Mann off a Bmibaby flight after a taxi driver reported he had a song by The Clash on his personal stereo containing the words “war is declared and battle come down.” And Spanish police escorted two men off a Manchester-bound flight because their fellow passengers refused to board, claiming the pair looked Asian or Middle Eastern and were allegedly speaking Arabic.
The Show Me The Way To Go Home Award
To the American soccer fan who checked into his hotel in Hanover, Germany, and immediately took a taxi to a World Cup match. After the game, he couldn't remember the hotel's name, its address or anything about it. He wandered around searching for six hours, then contacted police. All he could tell them was that the taxi had passed a Mercedes dealer and a park. That helped them pinpoint the general area. After driving him around for an hour, they located the hotel just before dawn.
The To Whom It May Concern Award
To Quebec contractor Marc Lachance. He fell in love with a Belgian woman called Sabine after meeting her briefly while on vacation at a Cuban resort. Once home, he realized he didn't know her last name or address. So he set out to write letters to all 3,700 women in Belgium who are named Sabine. The real Sabine learned of Lachance's search through a radio station and contacted him. That led to headlines around the world. But the media attention proved too much for Sabine and she ended the relationship posthaste.
The Life of Pi Award
To two men who attempted to smuggle exotic animals through U.S. Customs at Los Angeles airport. Chris Edward Mulloy made it in 2002 with two endangered leopard cats in his backpack, but was finally arrested this year. Prosecutors said his companion in crime, Robert Cusack, was caught on the spot after an exotic bird flew out of his suitcase. Inspectors then found four birds of paradise and several threatened orchids in his bags. He was also hiding two pygmy monkeys in his underwear.
The Last Exit to Brooklyn Award
To Belarusian-born model Tatyana Simanava, who took a misstep while travelling on a bus on New York's Staten Island. Mistaking an emergency exit door for one leading to the toilet, she catwalked onto an expressway at 64 km/h. “I am not angry,” she said from her hospital bed in Brooklyn where she was treated for a broken arm and other injuries, “but I would like that there are some changes made, so that nothing like this can happen again.”
The Please Cross Your Legs Until The Aircraft Comes To A Complete Stop Award
To China Southern Airlines. It is asking passengers to go to the washroom before boarding as a fuel-saving measure. The airline's engineers calculated that one litre of fuel is required for every flush at 30,000 feet.
The Accidental Tourist Award
To Muhammet Ahmet Mursi, a cargo worker in Saudi Arabia. He fell asleep while loading suitcases in the hold for a Turkish Airlines flight. He awoke to find the plane in the air and the temperature frigid. His shouts alerted the pilots, who pumped down some hot air. When the plane landed in Istanbul, he was checked out at a hospital. The airline promised a seat for his return flight.
The What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailors Award
To two young Dubliners who missed the ferry home after a night of drinking in Wales. Undaunted, they attempted to make the journey themselves in a stolen fishing trawler. But they had no idea how to sail. After hours of going around in circles, they put out a call for help and were rescued in a major air-and-sea operation by British coastguard. They had gone less than 20 kilometres and in the wrong direction.
The In The Dogghouse Award
To U.S. rapper Snoop Dogg, who touched off a brawl at London's Heathrow Airport. It started when members of his entourage — who were travelling in economy seats — were refused admission to British Airways' first-class lounge. They barged in anyway, prompting the airline to ban them from their connecting flight. Snoop Dogg and his beefy handlers then smashed display cabinets, threw bottles of duty-free at people nearby and injured seven police officers in a brawl. Officers subdued them with pepper spray.
The Turn The Other Cheek Award
To Stephen Gough, who has been dubbed “the naked rambler” by the British press because of his penchant for making long-distance walks in the nude. Flying to Edinburgh for a court appearance in May, Gough went into the on-board toilet and emerged wearing only hiking boots and socks. He was arrested on landing and sent to jail. Last month, he was picked up by police once again, this time for leaving jail with no clothes on.
The Raising A Stink Award
To Werner Brechtfeld , a German corporate lawyer, who got in a sweat carrying his bags through Honolulu airport. Once aboard his American Airlines flight, a fellow passenger complained that he “stinks to high heaven.” A flight attendant asked him to put on a clean T-shirt, but he had checked his other clothes. So he was kicked off the aircraft before takeoff. The airlines' conditions of carriage say transport may be refused if passengers “have an offensive odour not caused by a disability or illness.”
The Blowing Things Up Award
To Mardin Azad Amin, who didn't want his mother and children to find out what was inside his carry-on. They were all about to board a flight at Chicago O'Hare when security agents asked him about a device in his bag. “It's a pump,” he mumbled. The agent thought he said “bomb.” Amin was arrested. Charges were dropped four weeks later when authorities learned he really was carrying a pump — a penis pump.
The Everyone's Got A Gimmick Award
To hospitality trendsetters who created new niche markets. The Hotel Cortisen in Austria started promoting itself for adults only, claiming “kids will put their dirty paw prints on the white walls.” The owner added that dogs are still welcome. The Ostfriesland hotel in Germany began weighing its guests and calculating room rates at a fixed charge per kilogram. “Slim guests live longer and can therefore come more often and that is why we reward them,” said owner Juergen Heckroth. And pilot Tamir Harpas introduced private flights over Israel for romantic couples wishing to join the mile-high club. Wine, chocolates and condoms come with the package.
The Free At Last Award
To Terry and Susan Smith, who looked out an airplane window before takeoff and saw their dog on the runway being chased by security staff. The English couple, who were about to leave Manchester for a new life in the Canary Islands, had paid to have two pet dogs carried in the plane's hold. But one of them, a spaniel called Poppy, had chewed through his cage and escaped. The couple were allowed off to help catch him, but had to pay extra to take a later flight.
Sources: Agence France-Presse,
Airwise News, Ananova, Associated Press, Australian Broadcasting
Corporation, Canadian Press,
CanWest News Services, Chicago Tribune, Edinburgh Evening News, Global National, Irish Independent, National Post, News of the Weird, Reuters, Scottish Daily Record, Sky News, The Daily Express, The Desert Sun, The Guardian, The Independent, The Plain Dealer, The Sun, The Times of London, The Toledo Blade.
Special to The Globe and Mail
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