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The first crisis - the abuse by her husband - had gone on long enough, the woman decided.

So Toronto social worker Deborah Sinclair spent yesterday morning helping her prepare for "the second crisis": the self-doubt, external judgment and safety risks that follow a report of domestic violence to police.

"Once it goes public, there's no going back," Ms. Sinclair says.

The decision of whether to speak out was denied to Rihanna, the 21-year-old singer who is at the heart of a media frenzy after she was allegedly assaulted by her boyfriend, pop star Chris Brown, on the day of the Grammy Awards.

Details of an attack on Rihanna - whose full name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty - were reported on celebrity websites within hours of the alleged incident. And late last week, a leaked police photo of her badly bruised face was splashed across the media.

The case - and photo in particular - has generated thousands of online comments and stirred up controversy among women's rights groups.

Some argue the publicity surrounding the story is a good thing: It shows that abuse can happen to anyone, including a gorgeous young recording star with chart-topping records and a popular, talented boyfriend.

"It puts the issue of domestic violence in the spotlight," said Harmy Mendoza, executive director of the Woman Abuse Council of Toronto.

Rihanna's father, Ronald Fenty, told a reporter he was glad that the photo highlighted the severity of the attack, "because there's other people who were thinking differently - that [Rihanna's injuries] may not be that bad, just a little spank or a little thing."

But others argue that the press coverage has been exploitative, and may prevent other women from reporting abuse.

"It's unforgivable," said Theresa Rothenbush, spokeswoman for the Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter, where the names of inhabitants are kept confidential. "When you come forward, you have to know that you're absolutely safe. I think this sends a message to people that they aren't."

An abuser might seek out his or her victim and do greater harm, she said. Victims' fears of having their situation disclosed, or having their families torn apart against their will, makes domestic violence one of the most under-reported crimes.

High-profile cases often paint a skewed picture of abuse, she says, because the only cases that make headlines are ones that involve extreme physical violence or murder. But financial or emotional abuse can be just as insidious.

"Women look at that situation and go, 'It's not that bad for me,' " she said. "We want to let women know that it doesn't have to get to that point before you can come and get help."

Ms. Sinclair says Rihanna's case highlights a struggle many social workers face

in combatting domestic violence.

On the one hand, health and law-enforcement officials, as well as family members, should not be afraid to report signs of abuse.

But at the same time, women must be ready to leave on their own terms.

Leaving an abusive situation can be a life-saving decision. But it can also wreak havoc on a person's life: It can mean finding a new home, ending a long-term relationship, even alienating children from a parent.

It will likely mean police reports, but also having to answer questions from loved ones about why a relationship is over - or why abuse went on for so long.

"There's a whole process of finding readiness to change," Ms. Sinclair said.

"I encourage women, as much as possible, to do it on their own terms. That's why it's hard to have third-party reports. It's a harder recovery period for the woman if she's not the one that initiates the disclosure."