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The next time a Nova Scotia employee finds himself in the pits, he shouldn't count on his boss to dig him out. As an apparent excuse for ditching work, a Lower Sackville man sent his boss a text message saying he had fallen into a hole, The Chronicle Herald reported last Thursday. While the man enjoyed his day off, his worried boss called 911, prompting a ground search of an old military radar base and cement plant in the area. When that hunt came up empty, firefighters and RCMP officers traced the cell number to an apartment where the man was found and appeared to be under the influence of some kind of substance, police said. Needless to say, the search crews weren't too pleased. "It was an extensive, costly use of manpower to go out there and attempt to locate an individual who wasn't even there," said RCMP spokesman Cpl. Joe Taplin. Rule No. 1 in the playing hooky handbook: Just call in sick. Pretty simple.

OUR COURIER STINKS

Employees at a Pennsylvania pet store knew their shipment last Tuesday was going to be a smelly one. But the staff at Pets Plus were in for a ghastly surprise when they opened the crate to find a dead body, not the expected tank of tropical fish, The Associated Press reports. The body of a 65-year-old man who died of early onset Alzheimer's was supposed to go to a research lab in Allentown - a 112 kilometre drive from the store in northeast Philadelphia, but was sent to the pet store by mistake. US Airways said the mix up was due to a "verbal miscommunication" between a delivery driver and a cargo rep. Also (presumed) dead: the tropical fish, forgotten in their crates at the airport.

THE TREASURED TONGUE

Slightly burnt swill or acidic lukewarm sludge? You've got to wonder how Gennaro Pelliccia would rate the coffee in your workplace. Too bad you can't afford to ask. The tongue belonging to the chief coffee taster for international chain Costa Coffee was insured for $13.96-million (U.S.) making it the most valuable licker in the world, the BBC reported last Monday. Apparently gifted with hyper-discerning taste buds, it's Mr. Pelliccia's job to personally taste each batch of raw coffee beans at the London plant before they're roasted and sold. "The taste buds of a Master of Coffee are as important as the vocal cords of a singer or the legs of a top model, and this is one of the biggest single insurance policies taken out for one person," said a spokesman for Glencairn Limited, which set up the insurance cover on behalf of insurance firm Lloyds of London. But the question remains: Is his tongue worth less if he burns it?

MONEY FOR NOTHING, JAIL FOR FREE

Last week we brought you the story of Andrew Hamlyn, a British man who pedalled 106-kilometres in a bike race while on sick leave. The trend of British scammers-on-wheels continues: Last week, a couple was jailed after they allegedly bilked employers out of thousands of dollars in benefits claims before riding off into the sunset on their motorcycles, the Daily Mail reports. In their apparent plot to claim more than $83,000 in benefits, Kevin Crawford, 56, said a busted kneecap only allowed him to walk short distances and his wife, Elizabeth, 59, said her arthritis was so bad she couldn't even bathe herself let alone work. Of course the pair were then caught on camera joyriding on a slick, cherry red motorcycle and doing odd jobs around the house. Not surprisingly, the Crawfords got a strict scolding from the judge as they were sentenced to jail time - 18 months for the Mr. and six for the Mrs. "The two of you ought to be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves that you cheated the system," Judge Bryn Holloway said.

AMBITION, SNUFFED

Quick! What do you do if you kill that pesky ladderclimber in a blind, jealous rage? Why not log onto his computer, pose as him, then send an e-mail announcing his immediate resignation? Must've seemed like a good plan to John Gilbert, 45, a trucking manager in Burr Ridge, Il. near Chicago, who has been charged with the shooting death of his employee Jason Dragos, 38. DuPage County State's Attorney Joe Birkett told local station Newsradio 780 that Mr. Gilbert called Mr. Drago to the office on the weekend, shot him and then wrote his virtual goodbye to colleagues. "We obviously believe that [Mr.] Gilbert in some way, shape or form felt threatened by Jason Dragos, who was a relatively new employee who was climbing fast up the corporate ladder." Moral of the story? Never waltz into a new job and show more potential than your boss. Or else.