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Be still my heart. The week kicked off with the MTV Movie Awards, a pointless popularity contest fittingly hosted by the oleaginous Conan O’Brien. Not surprisingly, Coco availed himself of all the opportunities that come with hosting a cable awards showJordan Strauss

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Perks like getting to meet big-time celebrities like David Hasselhoff!LUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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Or posing for selfies by fans pretending to be not the least bit freaked out by how weird you look in personLUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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And getting to wear and keep a rubber breastplate perfectly customized to match your pasty complexion!Matt Sayles

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The Hunger Games: Catching Fire was the big winner at the MTV event, but since the big guns like Jennifer Lawrence were not available, viewers had to settle for Sam Claflin and Josh Hutcherson. They were in the movie, honestlyLUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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As though to fill the void, Divergent star Shailene Woodley, already touted as the next Jennifer Lawrence, wore a mini-dress that nicely accentuated her long legsJordan Strauss

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Unfortunately, Ms. Woodley took things too far by attempting Jennifer Lawrence’s dancing moves from Silver Linings Playbook. Too desperate, dearie!DANNY MOLOSHOK/Reuters

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But you want star power? Here’s the English actor Will Poulter, the MTV Movie Award recipient in category of Best Kiss for the big-screen comedy We’re the Millers, in which he bussed Jennifer Aniston. Only in America!LUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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Unplanned awkwardness occurred when Johnny Depp went off the teleprompter and inexplicably began reciting dialogue from 21 Jump Street (the TV series, not the movie)LUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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The MTV event’s oddest onstage couple: Recent Oscar-winners Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong’o. Together, they look like that prom couple whose picture never gets published in the yearbookMatt Sayles

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But mercy, how the crowd howled when Rita Ora presented Zac Efron with the award for “Best Shirtless Performance” (seriously) and then tore off his shirt. The children, Rita! Think of the children!Matt Sayles

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Then Zac’s years of Disney Channel schooling took hold and he shamelessly milked the moment with an impromptu posing routine. Here he’s shown doing “The Crab”LUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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And this is the “Hey-I’m-trying-to-find-acting-work-so-please-stop-calling-me-the-guy-from-the-High-School-Musical-movies” pose. Nice try, ZacLUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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In one of the evening’s more touching moments, Jonah Hill presented the MTV Trail Blazer award to his 21 Jump Street (the movie, not the TV show) co-star Channing Tatum. Why, they’re this generation’s version of…uh, Beavis & Butt-head?LUCY NICHOLSON/Reuters

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And then Jonah received his own popcorn trophy for his comedic performance in The Wolf of Wall Street. Wisely, he refrained from mentioning that Wolf of Wall Street was supposed to be a fact-based dramaMatt Sayles

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But the biggest star at the MTV Movie Awards? That would be Grumpy Cat… Still grumpy, even with that nifty Pharrell Williams chapeauMatt Sayles

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We now break from our regularly-scheduled Celebrity Photo gallery to jump to the Beijing International Film Festival, where director and famed JFK conspiracy theorist Oliver Stone wants to make an announcementNg Han Guan/The Associated Press

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‘Heh-heh, I was just kidding ... It was Oswald all along’Ng Han Guan/The Associated Press

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Also in Beijing was Canadian actor Hayden Christensen, looking way too old for someone who turns 33 this week. The force, Hayden, use the force...Ng Han Guan/The Associated Press

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Our final stop this week is at the Public Theater in New York, where Mad Men star Jon Hamm deigned to bring his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt to the premiere of a play called The Library. Better put a ring on it, Mr. Draper!Greg Allen

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Showing up stag for The Library opening was former X-Files star David Duchovny, more lately playing a sleazy womanizer/druggie writer on Californication, which apparently includes borrowing from wardrobeGreg Allen

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But the perfect portrait of Hollywood married bliss was personified by Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, who supposedly split up months ago but gamely posed together to convince paparazzi otherwise. Look at her. Look at his face. Have you ever seen an unhappier puss?Greg Allen

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'Hey, I’m getting paid to do this’DANNY MOLOSHOK/Reuters

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