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Welcome back, my friends, to the show that over-extends. The big-ticket item this week is the much-ballyhooed arrival of Guardians of the Galaxy, yet another superhero movie designed to suck in witless summer moviegoers. Guardians star Glenn Close wore a white pantsuit to the film’s premiere in Los Angeles and refrained from boiling anybody’s rabbitMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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Also at the Guardians premiere was Chris Pratt and his wife Anna Faris. Ironically, Pratt is a TV actor (Parks & Recreation) bumped up to the big-screen ranks, while Faris is a former film actress (Lost in Translation, The House Bunny) now relegated to sitcom duty (Mom). So many cruelties in show business todayMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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Here we have the young actress Emily Osment, best known for playing second banana to Miley Cyrus on the tween series Hannah Montana. To be honest, Emily isn’t in the Guardians movie. Our guess is she just happened to be wandering by the premiereJohn Shearer

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But Benecio Del Toro and Zoe Saldana are in Guardians of the Galaxy and happily posed on the red carpet. Zoe, we’ll forgive you for the weird semi-thong belt but were you really unaware that a white bra is the wrong choice with a sheer top? SheeshMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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And naturally the oft-nominated, never-a-winner actor Bradley Cooper was at the Guardians premiere since he voices the character of a machine-gun toting raccoon. In his ongoing efforts toward coolness, Cooper refused to take off his sunglasses all nightMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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Next up: The hulking pro wrestler turned actor Dave Bautista, who somehow found a suit his size for the Guardians premiere. Fortunately, current Hollywood statutes dictate that each superhero story can only include one big ape per movieMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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Oops, we stand corrected. Vin Diesel is also in Guardians of the Galaxy and turned up at the premiere to flex his pecs and pose for picsMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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And unlike some other big-shot actors that shall remain unnamed, Mr. Diesel actually deigned to doff his shadesMARIO ANZUONI/Reuters

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Now to New York, where Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger showed up for the premiere of Get On Up, a biopic documenting the life and times of the late James Brown. Even at 70 years old, Mick is still stealing moves from the Godfather of SoulERIC THAYER/Reuters

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Also at the Get On Up premiere: domestic diva and convicted felon Martha Stewart. You say you only bring out that cable-knit sweater once a year, Martha? It’s a good thingERIC THAYER/Reuters

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Also down for Get On Up: That fine Canadian thespian Dan Aykroyd, who brought along his wife Donna Dixon to the premiere. At long last we find out what happened to the jacket he wore in Doctor DetroitEvan Agostini

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Perhaps the coolest cat at the Get On Up premiere: comedian Craig Robinson. We’re not sure why he was there, but that is one fine-looking white suit, fellaERIC THAYER/Reuters

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Now back to the Big Apple, where Oscar-winning director Woody Allen made a rare public appearance in support of his latest film, Magic in the Moonlight, with wife Soon-Yi Previn in tow. Have you ever seen two glummer people on a red carpet?Evan Agostini

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Well, Colin Firth, who stars in Magic in the Moonlight, didn’t look much happier and he’s an Oscar-winnerPaul A. Hebert

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And Lily Rabe looked like she just came from a funeralPaul A. Hebert

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Luckily, Aussie actress Jacki Weaver was at the premiere and had no problem whatsoever smiling for the camera. Possibly because Magic in the Moonlight is her first major film role since the 1975 feature Picnic at Hanging RockPaul A. Hebert

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And our last stop: London, where Canada’s own Ryan Gosling busted out the tux and his best dour expression in hopes of landing the role as the next James Bond. Egad, Ryan, we’ve never seen you this animated!Jonathan Short

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Just kidding. This Gosling is really a wax doppelganger unveiled this week at Madame Tussauds. You see how they’re buffing and polishing him for the customers?Jonathan Short

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None of which seemed to matter to one ardent female admirer. Better back off, Missy. An angry Eva Mendes is not to be reckoned with...Jonathan Short

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