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Jake Gyllenhaal‘s steely-eyed gaze and impeccable grooming welcome you to our Fall Fashion Issue and remind you why you probably won’t be seeing your face in this gallery at the premiere of the film “End of Watch” in Los Angeles on Monday.Reuters

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Black meets sideboob this fall, as Malin Akerman demonstrates at the 2012 Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards in Los Angeles last week.Reuters

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Black also meets muumuu meets flapping tent door, as Angelina Jolie inexplicably demonstrates in Ankara, Turkey, last week.Reuters

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Inexplicable meets pointless and wraps itself in black as reality TV confection Audrina Patridge arrives at the premiere of "End of Watch" in Los Angeles September last week. With so many celebrities wearing black this fall, we can expect the trend to hit the street any minute now.Reuters

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An Occupy Wall Street protester accents his traditional black top with white plastic accessories and severe bone trauma during a march on the New York Stock Exchange in New York City on Monday.AP

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Of course, the simple black outfit is not the only thing we’ll be seeing on red carpets and in emergency rooms this fall. Actress Brenda Strong demonstrates the timeless charm of high-fashion gowns designed in the 1950s for movies set in the 1980s at the 2012 Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards in Los Angeles last week.Reuters

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Also really really big this fall: florals and patterns, as amply demonstrated by Christina Hendricks at the 2012 Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards in Los Angeles last week.Reuters

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An Occupy Wall Street protester adds a splash of style to an otherwise drab scene of circa-1980 South Africa police intimidation by dressing up her dislocating shoulders with a patterned blue scarf in New York City on Monday.AP

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Another hot trend this fall: solid bright colours, such as this cherry-red gown worn by actress Bella Thorne at the National Council of La Raza ALMA Awards in Pasadena, Calif., on Sunday.Reuters

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Actress Olga Segura rocks orange-orange at the National Council of La Raza ALMA Awards in Pasadena, Calif., on Sunday.Reuters

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Actress Dania Ramirez is all lime-green at the National Council of La Raza ALMA Awards in Pasadena, Calif., on Sunday. It’s like a bowl of Froot Loops in here.Reuters

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Meanwhile in New York on Monday, an Occupy Wall Street protester demonstrates how, if you can’t afford an expensive candy-coloured gown, you can always spice up a simple black dress and white blouse combo with a bright highlight, such as hematoma-blue stockings.Reuters

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A splash of red does the same trick for this trend-conscious Occupy Wall Street protester in New York on Monday.Reuters

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Korean rapper-singer Psy says, “Hey America, don’t look at those Wall Street protesters; look at me!! I’m hilarious doing my silly dance for you on all your television channels. This is so much more fun than trying to end income inequality!!”Reuters

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An Occupy Wall Street activist who failed to succumb to Psy’s siren call of obliviousness suffers the consequences in New York City on Monday.Reuters

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Everybody stop!!! A celebrity has dropped her umbrella at London Fashion Week! Please wait while Dita Von Teese figures out that it isn’t going to pick itself up. Your patience is appreciated.Reuters

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Final celebrity fashion trend of the fall: The Mitt Romney fetish gag, designed to keep obscenely rich white men from blurting out that half of all Americans are people who don’t pay federal taxes and just want to live off of government entitlements, unlike Wall Street executives. The safeword is “Reince Priebus.”Reuters

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No one goes home until the umbrella either gets up off the ground or is fired.Reuters

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