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Waitress for a week

Decoding the diners Add to ...

Meet the server's least favourite diners:

The faux celebrity



Distinguishing characteristics: These special VIPs (Vainly Irritating Poseurs) don't have a lot of money, but know people who do. They are often in the public eye due to their ability to schmooze the photographers who work for local, giveaway tabloids.

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Can be overheard saying: "I'm a friend of the chef."

Best dealt with by: Seating them next to other poseurs, allowing them to think they're all being given special treatment.

Mr. Big Shot



Distinguishing characteristics: Extremely wealthy; only orders expensive wines that have been given 95 points or more by Robert Parker. Tips very generously, but makes you grovel for it.

Can be overheard saying: "I don't want to be any trouble, but if the chef could just…"

Best dealt with by: Smothering him with sycophancy.

Ladies who lunch



Distinguishing characteristics: High-maintenance; always travel in flocks. Can usually be witnessed air-kissing from the other side of the restaurant.

Can be overheard saying: "I'd like my sauce on the side."

Best dealt with by: Flattery and small doses of naughty sarcasm, preferably delivered by a handsome gay man.

 

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