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The Other Half

2 wheels = sex appeal

Micah Toub | Columnist profile | E-mail

A couple weeks ago, I was cycling down Queen Street in Toronto when I was serendipitously swept up in a mass ride celebrating Bike Month. It was fun to be taking over the street with this two-wheeled mob, but I have to admit I also felt a little dorky as chic shoppers gazed at us from the sidewalk, bewildered. I imagined approaching one of them at a bar.

“So, do you come here often?” I’d ask, shuffling my hair, trying to remove the strange sculptures created by my helmet.

“Maybe. What car do you drive?”

I’d explain that I came on a bike, and then I’d get the blow-off.

But then I looked around at all the spirited cyclists surrounding me, and my mind changed gears. It hit me that biking is, in fact, a far sexier way to get around than by car. Think about it: Dudes on bikes have advanced cardiovascular endurance, can expertly handle delicate moving parts, and have the ability to ride far more of the city’s curves.

Now, before all you suburbanite commuters and car enthusiasts toss the newspaper aside or punch your computer, let me say this: I am one of you, too. I grew up in the ’burbs and I loved my dad’s 1977 Jeep Cherokee almost as much as my dog Sadie. I still love hitting the open road in a rental car for long trips. But on a day-to-day basis, if a guy can cycle to where he needs to go, he’ll simply be a hotter prospect than that guy in the Ferrari.

To get an, ahem, unbiased opinion from a woman, I talked to Amy Walker, one of the founders of Momentum, a Vancouver-based magazine for “self-propelled people.” She agreed with me, though she began with a more relationship-oriented, poetic explanation.

“When you go on a date with someone in a car, you’re tied together and only one person is driving, so it’s a dominant and passive relationship,” she said. “When you’re both on a bike, you’re both in control. You’re two people who have free will and are governing themselves but choosing to ride together. I really like that metaphor.”

Ms. Walker added that guys who bike have also found a way to kill three birds with one stone, and thus attractively maximize their time: “They ride to get to their job, they’re being environmentally responsible and … they also end up having a beautiful ass,” she informed me.

This last point – the well-defined behind – was mentioned by each of the half-dozen women I spoke to. (Strangely, nobody mentioned the sex appeal of the amazingly well-shaped ankle muscle of a driver’s clutch foot.)

Tovi Heilbronn, a road racer and head of online sales for Toronto bike shop La Bicicletta, humbly admitted – only when directly questioned, of course – that he has more than once been complimented on his rock-solid seat cushion.

“When girls see you in your whole racing get-up, your spandex team racing kit, well, I’ve had compliments that it’s attractive,” he said. (He admitted, however, that some women have been thrown off by his shaved legs.)

Mr. Heilbronn also gave me his take on the comparison with drivers: “Think about it for a second. This guy has basically thrown tons of money into this object that is depreciating by the minute, it’s terrible for the environment, and he doesn’t have to be in shape to get around. What’s so cool about that?”

The last thing I want to do, though, is incite more divisiveness. There can be friendship between the two- and four-wheeled families. In fact, on occasion, people from across the car-bike divide fall in love and get married.

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