Val Pierson has seen every type of funeral you could imagine: One where a Harley-Davidson was parked next to the casket of a man who enjoyed riding motorcycles, another where a woman was laid to rest in nothing but lingerie, even one where the service was held at a Calgary racetrack to commemorate a man who loved motorsports. Death, it seems, has been reborn.
“There are many individuals that are moving away from the traditional type of ceremonies that you would associate with funerals,” says Mr. Pierson, manager of Heritage Funeral Services, a funeral home in Calgary.
Not everyone, however, is happy about the trend toward personalizing one's last farewell. In a recent blog post entitled “The death of death,” an English vicar with the Church of England complained that his role was superfluous at funerals that featured popular songs like Frank Sinatra's My Way and secular prose readings during the ceremony. While the comments have triggered a debate over what is an appropriate way to mourn, more and more people appear to be moving away from traditional services.
“There's no question there has been a rise in what you call personalized funerals,” says Geoff Carnell, president of Carnell's Funeral Home in St. John's. “It's a huge change.”
The degree to which a funeral can be personalized, however, often depends on several factors.
“A lot of times it will depend on the denomination and it will depend on the individual pastor or priest or reverend,” says Evan Strong, a funeral director and president of Commemorative Services, a funeral home in Calgary.
Some religious denominations still prohibit personalized elements in their funeral services.
Catholic funeral services in Canada, for example, frown upon adding personal elements to a funeral service in church, says Rev. Michael McGourty, a priest at the Archdiocese of Toronto.
Elements such as playing popular music or offering personal remembrances or memorabilia is better left outside the church, when family and friends meet at the funeral home.
“Most funeral homes offer space and a time for the family to remember the individual in any way they feel appropriate. You don't generally come to a church to hear a Celine Dion song,” he says.
The United Church does not prohibit any personalized elements in its funeral services, says Harry Oussoren, executive minister of congregational, educational and community ministries at the United Church of Canada.
“Most United Church ministers work hard to make sure that the funeral service is really something that is related to this person's life,” he says. The only deciding factor of what's permissible, he says, is “good taste.”
“There is a sense in which there's less formality,” he adds.
Approximately half of all funerals in Canada today incorporate some non-traditional elements, says Nicholas Ille, owner and founder of Canadians Funerals Online, a funeral guide and directory.
“There is an enormous shift away from what's been the traditional funeral,” he says.
Mr. Carnell has arranged a funeral for a man who loved the Detroit Red Wings where everyone in attendance wore the hockey team's jersey. At another, for a man who enjoyed spending time at his cabin, memorabilia was brought in to surround the coffin, including chainsaws.
“Where we were oftentimes constrained by facilities, by space, by what perhaps were accepted norms; many of those have been broken down,” Mr. Pierson says. “I mean, I've seen a picture collage with the guy between two nude women. As for the tradition of what they are buried in, I've seen everything from lingerie to a tux and anything in between.”
As well, popular music is increasingly common at funeral services, Mr. Pierson says. Many funerals, for example, will feature Elton John's Candle in the Wind , a song that was especially popular at services following the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.
“It's not uncommon to hear contemporary music,” Mr. Pierson says.
Just as the elements of a service are changing, whether it is popular music or DVD tributes, so too are people opting to hold funerals at venues other than churches or other religious sites.
Mr. Pierson has arranged funerals held at the deceased's favourite bar, while Mr. Strong has seen funerals held on the banks of the Bow River to say goodbye to men who loved fly fishing and several held at the deceased's golf and country club.
“Where before perhaps people would be restricted to the more traditional church setting for the traditional church ceremonies, people are oftentimes looking at different venues that may allow them to better express the interests and talents of individuals,” Mr. Pierson says.
Yet however much people may wish to personalize funeral services, most still include some traditional elements, whether it's the saying of prayers or singing hymns.
“Funerals have become over time much more of a celebration of a person's life,” Mr. Strong says. “Quite often that takes a combination of some traditional elements and some very contemporary or modern aspects.”
As recent as a decade ago, non-traditional funerals were a rarity, says Mr. Pierson. But with more Canadians opting for personalized services, funeral homes and directors across the country are learning to accommodate their wishes whether they like it or not, Mr. Pierson says.
“The way we do business is changing,” he says.
