Can I wear a tie with a short-sleeved shirt?
No.
Can I wear shorts to the office?
No.
Can I wear long camo shorts with giant pockets?
No.
Can I wear a waist pack?
No.
Can I wear cool-coloured Oakley sports sunglasses?
No.
In a city, can I wear any kind of clothing that qualifies as "gear"?
No.
Can I wear kayaking or hiking or other sports sandals when not kayaking or hiking, say in a coffee shop in Manhattan or Prague?
No.
Can I wear any kind of sandals at all, ever?
If you must. Just make sure they are actual sandals, and not cheap flip-flops. Nothing says boor like the guy who slaps around in his rubber gym thongs like he just don't care. Those things are for beaches and pools and shower rooms. It's like going out on the boulevards in your pyjamas. And if you are going to show off your toes at all, try to spare us the sight of horny, gnarled nails like old tree roots, will you?
What about espadrilles?
Canvas, rope-soled, slip-on shoes are nice and soft and comfy. They also look soft and comfy. I don't want to look soft and comfy, myself, but perhaps I'm insecure.
Can I wear white pants?
Yes.
Can I wear white shoes?
Yes. Just not with white pants.
Can I wear a white suit?
Not in Canada – you'll look like someone acting in an ad for coffee.
Novelist Russell Smith's memoir, Blindsided, is available as a Kobo e-book. Have a style question? E-mail style@globeandmail.com.